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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hi. The girl that showed up sat night had some things to say

Customer Question

Hi. The girl that showed up sat night had some things to say yesterday. I am just wondering what I would be looking at if I were dating a girl like this. She had a wasn't flirty or mushy enough and didn't make enough eye contact. Then she said she could tell that she would no be a priority in my life or at least know how to mix her and my friends. She said that once and a while it's ok to go ou solo with friends but not all the time especially if I am dating her. What does this sound like in a nutshell.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
This sounds like someone that would have to be in control of the relationship and didn't want to let on that she liked you. She wanted you to chase her. She might be someone that is guarded and it will not be so easy to get her to open up her heart too you. But when she does I feel that it would be a very loving, caring relationship. But you would have to build up trust with her and let her get comfortable to start a relationship with you. It may start off with her a little stand offish, but she will begin to drop her guard. But you might not see her tell you how she feels about you right away that will take time. If you have any more questions I will be happy to answer.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
She said she is guarded because of all the men that played games with her. the thing is I have a girlfriend currently so this is a continued conversation. But things with my gf are rocky because of finances and she want to get engaged still but I am not feeling it so i am testing the waters a little. She also said that she will not throw herself out there to hurt again. She said that she is not a strong woman and needs constant affection/attention and doesnt do well with non affectionate guys? So just out of curiosity what would it be like dating a woman likes this. She is 41.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
I feel like it would be a relationship where she would need to be in control. She would need constant attention. She would need to know that she is important ans number one in your life. In fact I feel like she wouldn't settle for anything else. This relationship would work if you are someone that loves to show her your honest emotions. Someone that would not be afraid to give her a compliment, hold her hand. Someone with this personality would need to be constantly reassured how you felt and you would have to earn her trust. She will have walls up that little by little you would have to break down. This relationship would take time and grow. But I would like to talk about your current girlfriend. I want you to know the difference between having feelings for someone else and just feeling like you need an escape. You are having trouble with your girlfriend. Some times people look at other relationships as a way of getting away from the current problems in life. This new girl is sparking your interest because its new. You right now are tired of the current relationship you are in. I want you to think about your current girlfriend and if you want to spend the rest of your life with her. Because you would not want to take the risk of losing her from pursuing someone else. You need to be very sure of your feelings and if you feel you can work this out with your girlfriend.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
With my current gf it's more lack of affection and a lot in debt. She wants to get engaged be nabe lives with me but has no plan how to get out of debt. 90k worth. So she commutes to where she lives so she shows devotion However that is costing her 800 a month with gas and tolls. Plus she already up on her mileage with her car and needs a new lease. So most of it is debt but also lack of sexual desire prob bec of debt. So she's dragging me down. I have my own lands ape business which is a struggle in itself. So I figure if I find a girl financially set that I was attracted to I may be better off. Plus the fact that she may have to move home in a month.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
Her being in debt is a issue for you and that is a problem because you feel like she is in debt. This is a problem that she needs to solve, but doewnt seem to be able to solve the problem. Money is still going out and not enough is coming in. You feel you word have a better chance with someone that wasn't in debt ans someone you are attracted to. Her being in debt has put a strain on the relationship. Its causing problems with intimacy as well. You need to really think about what is best fro you and what is good for your life. You could if you wage to work on this relationship, but there are struggles that you both will face with her debt. You need to tell her how you feel.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi. As with gf. She got a loan and has savings bonds. Not sure how much. But doesn't want to move back home. Financially now she prob doesn't have to. So as for this other girl. She had made comments like she needs me to make an effort to hang out on a one on one date. Now with looks and money so she says established I am wondering when u say she needs to be in control and she said she needs a lot of tlc is this is really a woman who can be a lot. I mean like if I work a lot am I going to get when r u done or where are u. U were supposed to be here and hour ago. That's going to drive me crazy. Is it possible for a type of person to be like this bec she won't settle for anything less or bec a guy just can't deal with the constant pressure to make her happy?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
Your girlfriend has now solved her problem with money and that will help solve some of your relationship problems. You and her with out financial problems will be able to focus on the relationship. The other girl is someone that has to be in control and I feel she would want to spend a lot of time alone with you because she sounds like she is a person that is one on one. She would want to most likely be around other people when she is with you because she would want you to soles focus on her. She would be controlling. She is telling you already what she needs in a relationship and you haven't even started one yet. She is going to be honest in what she wants. She could come across demanding at times because she will not be shy in expressing herself.

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