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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Okay, I have a friend and we are just friends, well my friend

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Okay, I have a friend and we are just friends, well my friend is married, older, and kids are grown, My friend seems to be making these bold moves towards me, he does and says things that a married man would try to hide, but it's like he doesn't care who sees or hears him. I have known him for a year, and I have only met his son. but the way he's acted over the best few months is like he"s courting me, this is flattering but I am not sure how to deal with this, I am 51, I have never been in love, and I don't know if anyone has ever been in love with me because I don't allow it, If a guy starts to show genuine emotions or relationship interest I usually sabotage it before it can go anywhere. I haven't been able to do this now because he is a good friend, we make each other laugh ridiculously and it"s all innocent and it's like I actually have no control over what's happening and I am always in control of me, I know that my childhood and my past won't allow me to love or be in love with a man and it's okay because these are choices I have made, I have raised 3 beautiful adults whom I have tried not to tarnish with my relationship issues, and they are married with children, I don't know what to do about my friend or this situation, I don't know his situation at home, but I am sure something is pushing him my way and I don't want to be the cause of any problems at his home.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I think if he is marriage that should end any questions regarding what could be. If he is approaching you it is inappropriate - friends or otherwise. You have to be the person acting responsibly if is not. it doesn't matter what he wants or acts like remaining friends is the only solution. To facilitate that choose any method you wish. No one is pushing him in your direction except him. He has an intention and he has the power to make or break this decision. Let him know that you are friends only. Let him know you want to keep it that way. Anything that happens isn't fate - it is his intention. I do question why you don't let anyone get close. You need a relationship that is healthy and strong. This isn't it.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well you are right and I plan to tell him all this when I talk to him again, Not to worry, if I don't let the right man close to me there's no way the wrong can do it. I don't allow anyone to get close because I don't trust anyone, I don't do relationships and I get bored with the same thing every day all the time, I am okay with my decisions, this is the life I have chosen for me, I"m not depressed or anything like that, I just have a really big people issue (I deal with people because it is a part of life, there are people in the world and to manuvre through the world I have to deal wit them) I don't fully understand me myself, I think something happened during childhood and I can't fix it, and because I don't forgive easily or at all Ijust pretty much keep to myself... and I don't think there is a thing as a healthy relationship.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I would really encourage you to see someone because you deserve a relationship too. For him I am glad to hear it. There is always a healthy relationship. You just have to figure out what the need is to keep people away. You can deal with this in therapy but you keep your perspective about him as you have so far.
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