Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like there is a break down in communication between you and your girlfriend. She is feeling hurt by you mentioning your ex but instead of saying so, she has responded in a drastic way by ending the relationship. She may be trying to hurt you like she feels you hurt her. She may also feel out of control and by contacting you only when she wants to, she maintains the upper hand.
It is probably a good idea to back off for a while. If she contacts you, let her know that you are ok and hang up. Do not contact her. If she continues to contact you, which she probably will, then wait until you have heard from her a number of times. Then tell her that you regret mentioning your ex and that you are sorry. Then see how she responds. If she is open to your apology, then continue trying to make amends. If she is not, back off again.
I would give this some time. It sounds like she cares about you but doesn't know how to handle her feelings. If you wait to see what she does and allow her some control, she may be able to reestablish contact and you can get back together.
I hope this has helped you,Kate
I haven't heard from you. Did you have more questions or want clarification?
Thank you for the additional information. It helps.
Now that you have mentioned your girlfriend has a history of this behavior and also has a diagnosed with mood swings, her behavior makes even more sense. It also tells me that this is more about her than the relationship.
I would give this a few weeks, maybe three or four, before you contact her again. If she can wait 5 days, then three to four should not be a big deal.
It does sound like she was calling you to make contact and used seeing if you are ok as an excuse. Though it is hard to know exactly what someone else is thinking, based on your description of her behavior that makes a lot of sense to me.
You may want to encourage her to try to take her medications. If she acts out in this manner, she may end up harming any relationships she has, including work and family.
I would enjoy working with you again in the future. Just post your question with my name at the beginning and that will help the other experts know you want to speak to me only. You can also request my help through JA, but requests expire within 10 minutes and then the question is offered to other experts so I may not be able to get to your question in time.
You are very welcome! I am glad to be of help to you.
I was saying that because she is able to wait 5 days between the time of the breakup and contacting you, then 3 or 4 weeks of no contact from you might be a good amount of time to wait. If she had contacted you within a day or two, then I may have recommended a shorter time.
Keep in mind that the 3 to 4 weeks is a recommendation on my part. You know your girlfriend best and if you feel contacting her earlier would work, then by all means do so. Just give it enough time so she is not able to just break up with you then have you back the next week. This is to allow you some dignity in the relationship and to minimize her control over it. It is not meant to be a mean thing, just a way let each of you some control until she works her feelings out.
I am glad you feel your relationship is worth working on. People who feel that way are usually very successful in their relationships.
You're welcome! I'm here whenever you want to talk.
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