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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My husband told me last year after 12 years of marriage that

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My husband told me last year after 12 years of marriage that he would rather have his first wife than me. We weren't arguing at the time, but I asked him if it could be possible and he had a choice to make between her and me, which would he choose. He said "you know the answer to that". I said I did but I wanted him to tell me and he said her. I was and still am devasted because I thought we had a very good marriage. I now feel that I can't continue with our marriage but i dln't know what to do.

You have to be sure of what you want before you end this. A good way to make this judgment call is to try marriage counseling so you can explore this with each other in a safe environment. There may be more that you don't know that would be a positive influence on the relationship. If you need to know why this is it gives you a place to ask this. There is then a way to talk about this freely. If you think that it is pointless then consult a lawyer. I would consider marriage counseling since the relationship has been good up until this point. If you have a good relationship you can work to address the point that aren't so good. There has to be good points since it was going so well. Also discuss with him why he said this. Maybe he was joking.

 

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He wasn't joking. The reason I asked him was because I always suspected that was the case. On our wedding day when he was making his speech he said his wedding ring should be through his nose and I never received one single complement from him on that day. I asked him one time if his wife had still been alive when he first saw me what we he have thought and he answered " I wouldn't have given you a second look, I loved my wife far too much". He has never ever given me a complement even though many other people tell him how beautiful I am. When I have praised him for being a good husband/father to others he has never returned the complement. I feel like it is all take and no give.
I am sorry this is very hurtful. I would suggest marriage counseling even briefly to get some perspective on his feelings and feeling second rate. You definately should discuss his taking personality . Do this for him but also for you
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