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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am 7 years divorced, working for a large corporation. In

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I am 7 years divorced, working for a large corporation. In the past few years I seemingly attract co-workers who, at the onset, seek counsel with “a friend” regarding a troubling personal problem. Most of these women are married. Even though we are not close, they find comfort in calling me a friend.
The pattern seems to be, “let’s not talk in the office, too many ears”, so we are off to lunch. Then within a couple of weeks, our discussion evolves to diner with drinks and on occasion some dancing. Next follows a tearful confession about her spouse.. “he is not as affectionate as he once was”. She ask with tension in her voice.. “OMG, do you think it’s me”. “Is something wrong with me”?
The morning after discussion seems to be, “I don’t want a divorce, I just want him… “ to be as affectionate as you, with your passion and understanding”, and her final question as she freshens up, “will you help me through this”?

Now my question to you has nothing to do with moral issues, I know those answers all too well. What I am asking of you is:
1) At what point do these relationships become an affair?

A friend recently told me, “she is the one with the problem, your single. She is the catalyst, you are a willing participant”.
2) Do you agree?
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

They are a potential affair as soon as the woman wants to talk and you accept. Once you make love with her it is a full-blown affair.

I don't agree that the woman is the catalyst by the scientific definition of catalyst, which is a substance that causes or acclerates a [chemical] reaction without itself being affected. You have charisma and sex appeal, and you are BOTH willing participants. You are NOT the initiator, but your very essence and being (rather than any overt manipulations) makes you (or your pherenomes) the catalyst. A catalyst makes reactions happen just because they are there. You are being seduced (and never taken dragged or kicking) and are not an instigator or a troublemaker.

Be careful about your office reputation, as it might get back to a husband and you would not want to have to deal with that.

Enjoy your life and stay safe. You are popular because you are kind and respectful to women, and cannot be faulted for that.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC

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