She's warning you that she can't get thru her "baggage" to commit to anybody. I wrote my doctoral dissertation for psychology on children of divorce. Broken home: Who's at home? Is it mom and other kids? Just mom? Mom and a problematic boyfriend or stepdad? Or just dad?
It's important for me to know who she's dealing with at home. Is she in her early 20s? or older?
How old are you? Have you ever had a long term relationship before?
If she is the oldest or the only child, then she knows that she has to be responsible for quite a bit in that family, even more than meets the eye. And that's what I can sleuth out if you can tell me what you know about the family members and their relationships, including also the absent one (presumably dad) who's gone because of the divorce.
I'll await your reply.
Nph, She currently lives with her dad. Her mother was never there for her when she was growing up. Both her parents are in her life currently but there seems to be a battle between the two over the kids affection. Both Parents have had significant others in their lives.
Her sister lives with her mom and seems to be very competitive with her. The rift seems to be that Kayley is the dads favourtie and her sister is the moms.
we are both in our mid twenties, she has spent the last 5 years living in Vancouver, but has moved back to Calgary this April.
We have both been in long term relationships before, she dated a guy for 5 years off and on. Again she was not able to commit to him, and he just stopped talking to her. (I played hockey with this other guy).
I think that it should be known she suffers from depression and tried to commit suicide when she was 15.
OOooey GOOooey. If she bails on dad, HE loses Kayley as confidante, surrogate spouse (both K and her sister are spousified, it's not sexual) and proof that he's as loveable as mom is, so he also loses his competition with mom. :Kayley loses her competition with her sister and becomes an orphan and an ingrate. If she stays loyal she can never give anybody else higher priority.
When will she be ready to fight to escape the dragon's lair? You have no power until she wants you bad enough to brave all those emotional teeth and firebreaths. But "never say die" is my natural kneejerk reaction to that bleak prognosis.
What else does she want for herself besides a good looking hockeyplayer that she could have in a heartbeat whenever she's finally ready? Does she care about a career? or a social or political cause? or an academic knowledge or artistic project? It's a pretty unfair fight! You'll need allies, meaning other more compelling reasons than just a stalwart young hockey player. She's a princess living in a palace on a glass mountain. It's good manhood exercise for a guy like you to take on such a heroic rescue, more serious than a video game but when you lose this one you're not dead for real, and you can fight again, just like in a videogame. It's also the foolish youngest brother who rushes in in spite of the odds who's most likely to get the luck or divine aid that gets him thru the dangers.
I do think that showing her that you're going to put yourself out to pull her away from the parental trap she's in will put a little fire in her belly--she'll get nervous, because she'll wonder if she'll want something out of her control to change the power/love dynamics she lives within. Meanwhile we're going to need to cook up some strategy to start loosening the ropes that tie her. I can't think any further now, since I'm getting ready to do therapy in person in my office nearby.
Getting dad married off would be the easiest solution (have you got a gorgeous maiden aunt you could spare?) But he's much more likely to marry himself off when he gets the memo that he's losing Kayley whether he likes it or not. "Think outside the box" This is a fairy tale.
She is passionate about a few things, She started a community garden a few years back, she spends a good portion of her time there. She is going to do a masters in landscape archtecture. She is also into water conservation, In the summers she has worked for the city in water works and now in the recycling department. She is into physical excercise also, this summer she ran her first marathon and last summer she completed her first Triathalon. Her undergrad degree was in health sciences. Lastly she loves her dog, abby is her companion for everything.
Both mom and dad now seem to want to be with her, her mom got involved in the community garden and dad seems to be taking her away. Dad has had little success when it comes to dating himself. After his marriage he was engaged and she left him a few weeks before the wedding. The mom latched on to me when kayley and I started to date, she wanted to be involved in her life and subsequently in mine.
They both don't want to be alone with their own challenges to grow up as an adult instead of pretending to be a loving parent. Dad might have plunged into his second relationship way too quickly after the divorce, so the woman came to her senses and realized that it wasn't her that he loved, it was being married.
I guess that you might succeed if you become the son that both parents would like to have. Find something dad likes to do and do it with him, if it's something you might enjoy doing and being his tagalong. Or if he likes hockey or mtn climbing (example, I do) and you're good at it, then he can be your student, and that'll make him younger again.