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MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 215
Experience:  B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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Im in my early 20s and my ex of about 14 months and i mutually

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Im in my early 20s and my ex of about 14 months and i mutually broke up about 3 or 4 months ago because it just wasnt working anymore. After we broke up she continued to try and speak to me on a regular basis through txts and facebook and stuff. Personally i find it hard to move on when in constant contact with someone i still have feelings for, so i told her that i needed to block her on facebook (that it wasnt cause i was angry or anything, it was just something i needed to do), and couldnt speak to her on a regular basis. I made it very clear that i wasnt trying to be spiteful or mean i was just doing what i had to do to move on.

About a month into our breakup she texted me and asked me to come over and have dinner with her. At this point i was beginning to really miss spending time with her, and i figured she felt the same way. So i decided to go and see how it turned out. After a while of talking she basically tried to seduce me and was kissing me etc, and at that point i was kind of asking WTF? this isnt what friends do. I kept asking her what she wanted from me, and she kept saying she didnt know, she was confused etc. I ended up leaving that night with her agreement that we would try and work things out and she would call me tomorrow. She never called, and basically went back on her word and said we probably shouldnt the next day. Needless to say i was a little upset that she would disregard my feelings so much and asked for a bit of space.

Every two or three weeks she does this. She leaves me alone for a couple of weeks then contacts me and i respond thinking she just wants to be friends and keep in contact (i am never flirting with her or anything etc) and eventually she will suggest i come over again or gets sexual or inappropriate, at which point i tell her that she needs to stop doing this if she wants to be friends, and its unfair to me because she knows i wanted to work things out and she doesnt. She says okay im sorry i promise i wont again.

A few of the most recent times she has contacted me (i guess after i had pushed her away further) she has even gone as far as to tell me she has missed me and wants to meet up to talk about working things out. So we set up a time to meet and she will cancel just before and make up an excuse.

Over this weekend (after telling her specifically a few weeks before we shouldn't speak anymore) she called me and told me she had been "missing me a lot lately" and again that she wanted to meet and see how things go. I told her that i am now seeing someone else but its not exclusive so if she wants we can meet, see how things go, and see if we are both the same people. I made it clear she better be 100% sure about what she wants if she agrees. She agreed and then again cancels on me a few hours before with the excuse that i'm seeing someone else and to "call her when im single" (even tho she agreed before knowing that).

This was the last straw for me. I have been fairly understanding about the whole issue as i know she has some baggage (her mother has tried to commit suicide a few times) and various other family issues that i helped her through when we were together. In my mind this has gone from her being confused and a bit unstable , to being deliberately malicious towards me.

Im still having a lot of trouble understanding how she can treat me like this, as if i mean nothing to her, after all the times i stuck by her through our relationship and helped her through tough times. Its almost like she has a split personality sometimes she is the caring and sweet girl i used to know, then all of a sudden she snaps and becomes this cold selfish person i have never seen before. Can you help me understand what it is she wants from me? Why cant she just leave me alone?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 5 years ago.

Russ0114 : Hello and thank you for choosing just answer, please give me a moment to read your story and I will be glad to try to assist you this evening.
Russ0114 : Hi, based on the information you've shared, this woman is unclear what she would like your relationship to be and therefore, keeps stringing you along so that you do not become involved with anyone else.
Russ0114 : You can't allow her to keep toying with your feelings and if you feel like you need to cut all communication ties on order to move on then that's what you need to do and stick to it.
Russ0114 : She wants you to be available to her on her terms which is why she's giving you these mixed signals. It's probably going to be in your best interest if you just move on and not look back.

Thank you

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