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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi, I hope that someone can help me with my new relationship

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Hi, I hope that someone can help me with my new relationship and the issues that have surfaced in just 3 weeks of dating. I feel like i'm seriously losing my mind but my gut instinct keeps saying I am right. I am a 34 year old single mom of 1 little girl. I don't really date much and have had some heart breaking experiences with the guys I have dated. So, I meet the guy I am dating now about 3 weeks ago thru facebook of all places. He is 37 years old, and is a firefighter here in Phoenix, AZ. He was heading up to fight the wildfires when we met and I told him we can be friends, but i didn't want to rush into anything anytime soon. He proceeded to tell me he was single, never been married and was smitten with me and wanted to do whatever it took to sweep me off my feet. (Side note...the last guy i dated for 4 months claimed to be a single dad until my dead on gut told me to check him out and i found his wife's myspace profile online..he was married the whole time) So, I laughed with him about my previous experience and jokingly and seriously asked him again if he was married. NO WAY he said, never have been. Great. So we begin talking all the time, we had so much in common, it made me cry, I honestly thought he was my soul mate. Father's Day came and he was still up fighting wild fires in northern arizona. I wished him a happy father's day even though I wasn't sure if he had children or not. Turns out he did, 1 9 year old little girl..same age of mine...wow, too good to be true. Finally he was able to come home but was on shift at his fire dept so I went to see him at work and when we hugged, I didn't want to let him go. It should be noted nothing sexual had taken place, and we sat and talked at his work until sun up the next day. we couldn't get enough of each other..conversation wise, which was a complete first for me that we didn't jump into bed right away, so I thought this really was real. Until it came for his days off. He went cold on me, shut his phone off, and my heart fell to my toes and there I went online digging for info on him because my trusty gut was burning. HE'S MARRIED! WITH TWO KIDS, NOT ONE LIKE HE SAID, BUT TWO, AND HE LIED EVEN ABOUT HIS BIRTHDATE!! My whole body went numb, I couldn't get a hold of him until he called the next morning crying and saying they filed for a divorce, he doesn't want to leave me, he told me he was in love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and like an idiot, I stayed because I wanted him in my life so bad. Here's my problem now....we have fought everyday for the past week because when he has days off...he goes silent on me, he won't see me and makes no attempts to and then gets mad at me because i shouldn't interfere when he's with his kids on his time off. so then i feel horrible and am all apologetic. He told me they filed for divorce, but I also just checked that and there is no case with the family courts here in Phoenix with their divorce precedings. I know how it works, when you file, you are immediately assigned a case number XXXXX it is public information. So, help me? He swears he's a good guy but I honestly question everything he says, what he's doing, who he's with because of the lies from the start. I am completely broken and lost, do I walk away now? Or stay and keep going thru this emotional roller coaster in the hopes he will marry me someday? Please please please, help me to see what is going on here. Thank you so much

I don't want to upset you anymore than he has already. But you should walk away just because he is a liar! You deserve more than being with someone so dishonest.. If you have to check up on someone and it proves that they are dishonest then there should be no more contact. This is such a heartbreak waiting to happen. Getting more involved will only increase the trips on the emotional roller coaster. He has proven that he can be dishonest and manipulative. You don't want to give him more of an opportunity to do this to you. He is using you to have a fling or as a distraction from his present relationship. Let him involve someone else in that. Just not you!

 

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