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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question

Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7336
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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Im a 49 year old single mom (I have a 22 year old son). Would

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I'm a 49 year old single mom (I have a 22 year old son). Would it be immoral for me to accept a date with a 29 year old? This 29 year old has been after me for over two years now. But I feel "old" although I look like I'm in my thirties and he does know how old I really am....everyone tells me he's crazy about me...but can a 29 year old sane man be interested in someone my age? Would I be foolish to indulge in this date? I like him, I find him attractive and no matter what girls he dates he always comes after me....I'm afraid that once I give in then his chase might end....but I have a feeling he really does like me...am I totally nuts....I've told him that our age difference is a problem and he asks why? I own a business in a small town and I don't want people to think bad about my character???? What do I do? Am I just giving this to much thought? I've always dated older men and now at my age they are not fun any more....
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 3 years ago.
-- Would this be immoral? Absolutely not. You're both consenting adults over 21 so while people might talk, it's no one's business but your own.

---
Now, as for it being reasonable? That's different. A younger man can be interested in an older woman for the same reasons an older man entertains young ladies. It's a matter of all sorts of things: Physical attraction, intellectual compatibility, shared interests, or the ever popular, "soul mates".

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He may feel safe with you in that you're not fickle or flighty. You have a confidence that only comes with maturity. The two of you have shared time talking and developing a relationship that by nature (heterosexual man and woman) brings the sexual attraction to the mix.

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If you are going to worry about what anyone else says (how would they know if you don't tell them?) then it's a bad idea. The stress and tension of living out of fear of judgement will doom the relationship.

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Even in the best of circumstances the age difference is something that might become more apparent as time goes by. Right now 29 and 49 are within sight of each other; but when you're 70 and he's 50 it may be more obvious. Of course it may not.

No one really knows for sure what the future holds because not a single one of us is guarenteed a future.

All you have is right now.

---
So this decision has to be made between the two of you; not the two of you and the town. I imagine that you stay out of their bedrooms and it's your right to expect them to stay out of yours.

Keep in mind that like any relationship, if you end up traveling different paths it's going to hurt to break up and may end the special friendship you have right now.

But then it might be a relationship that works and lasts.

Either way, make this decision based on your heart, not what others might think

Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7336
Experience: Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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