Hello and thank you for choosing just answer, I look forward to assisting you.
It sounds like there is a trust issue on your part and if this is the case, you have to find what's causing it so that you can work through it and then accept that he's being truthful with you about there being no feelings beyond childhood friends.
Please let me know when you may be available as I would gladly live chat with you regarding this matter.
i believe I do trust him but I am just worried that all the time he spends speaking with her he is going to develope feelings for her even though they have known each other forever
He is still speaking with the girl, and we have gotten into numerous fights about it. He swears high and low she is just a friend and there is nothing wrong with that, and he has stopped speaking to her as much as he was, but i recently left for a week and days after I left he is asking her on facebook when they are going to skype again, and I looked at his skype when i got home and saw that when he and i got into a fight when I was on vacation he was letting her listen to the fight and asking her what he should say to me to make the fight better. It really annoyed me, and I couldn't even bring it up because I didnt want him to know I was looking through his skype. He tells me how much he loves, and wants to be with me, but why then do I worry so much about this girl who lives accross the country?
I know I can't confront him with all the information because it would just make things worse. I can understand how he is looking to someone else to help him get a solution because he is tired of fighting with me over the same jealousy issues, and he is viewing her as someone who is compltely unconnected to us, and can give an unbiased opinion. I just worry he has feelings for her, friendship I can accept, I just want to believe its nothing more than than and I don't no how to get closure on this.
You have to figure out what's causing you to not believe what your boyfriend is telling you about his friendship with this girl. Until you do, you're always going to have doubt which is going to continue to cause issues in your relationship. The only way to get closure is to figure out the source of you being unable to completely accept what he telling you and to determine if you ever will be able to do so.
I was cheated on in my past relationship so I know that contributes to a lot of my insecurities...but my current boyfriend constantly reminds me that he isnt my ex. He says he trusts me to speak with whoever and I should show him the same trust. I try and remind myself that afetr all the crap him and I have put up with, we still remain together, so he must really love me? If he didn't why wouldn't he just leave me and go be with this girl. At least that is what seems logical to me.
I will try to stay in the chat to see if you come back on after I respond, it seems we just keep missing one another.
You're right, more times than not, we allow our past relationships to hold us hostage and will often play out our insecurities in our current relationship
I think that if you're boyfriend really wanted to not be with you any longer, he wouldn't.
You're thinking while on that track is completely logical and now you have to not only trust yourself in that but trust him as well.
Once you're able to do so, the two of you can move on from this.
Also, maybe it's time that you meet this girl and talk to her for yourself just as a way to get to know her because it seems like they were pretty good friends as children and are trying to rebuild that friendship.
I think once you're able to move on from this, your boyfriend will feel more comfortable talking to you about things going on in your relationship versus going to her. I also think that that's a reasonable request for you to ask of him.
I have thought about talking to her but she lives in Colorado. They will never see each other, and never do see each other which is why I do feel a little rediculas about being upset about him talking to her. The funny thing is I do trust him talking to girls I know, and already am friends with as well, its just this girl that really bothers me, but its not like he just started talking to her...they have talked the entire time him and I have been in a relationship I just never realized it before..so why do I care now all of a sudden? I wish I could just believe him when he tells me how much I mean to him, and how much he loves me, but I feel like the only way I will is if she is out of his life, but thats not fair