I have read and reread your request. You seem to be looking at every angle and have a concern about the consequences if it happens or it doesn't happen. I can only say that from personal experience once you cross that line there is no going back. It will profoundly change your relationship and if you are worried now you will be twice as worried after. If you can stand that kind of chess then go ahead and keep playing. I think you are wrong that if you decide not to make this a reality your wife may do something drastic. We all have lived ways in the past that we would like to stay in the past and once they see the light of day they are a force to be reconed with.
Anyway I think that the concern that your wife may decide to go ahead with out you is not consistent with her insecurity
To an extent, I agree. The thing is I know her very well. Experience with her has shown me that when it's something that she wants, she will get it. With or without me.
OK so if that is the case then you don't have much to decide. Am I right?
Thats what I'm trying to figure out. From what I see and know of her, it seems to be a situation of possibly damned if I do and deffinately damned if I don't.
Have you asked her anything about who makes this decision?
Yes, as I stated in my message, we have talked about this a lot. It seems to be something she really wants. It's just that at times she has these insecurity issues that come up. Even though I have never given her reason to doubt me. I think that her abandonment issues go back to her childhood as well as her failed relationships in the past. I know that my ability to separate emotion from the other woman that would be participating might be different than most men would be able to do. I just don't know how to assure her that the emotional detachment would be the same for me as it would be for her. Unless that is not the case for her at all.
I don't see it that way at all. Her insecurities are part of any time you have a fantasy come true especially a sexual one. It is one thing to talk about it but actually doing it makes it real. There are some fantasies that once they become a reality become different and you have to deal with real people and real people's feelings as opposed to the imaginary ones. That is the real problem here. When you involve another person then all the real feelings about that person become a factor. You just cant say "Im doing this for you" and expect her to believe it.
Thats part of what I'm talking about. I don't have, lets call them, " life long romantic" feelings about her friend. Its just that sometimes it seems to be what she might think, and maybe this is just over anylyzing, but maybe what she thinks might happen to herself. As I stated in my first message. We have fulfilled our fantasies in a number of ways and times in the past and it brought us even closer together. The big reason I have wondered o this is I hear all the time that few relationships survive this type of activity. Even though we have both had the threesome experience. I will tell you now, and she knows this, that I was married and it was my wife that I had a threesome with. She and I were together untill her death some years back.
The survival rate is something I would concur with. Love is a fragile thing and once it is changed it cant go back to being innocent again. You loose somethings like some intimacy and you gain some things in terms of reality.
That is something I have deffinately learned in my short time on this Earth. In your experience, how common is my particular problem. Given the information that I have given you. I do realize that you will not mention specific people. And if you have encountered this same dilema, what was the lets call it "mortality rate" of the relationship.
The major factor has been the age of the couple. The second factor is substance abuse. I have not had too many instances of this situation and can't have had enough clients to give you a statistic. The main issue is the conversion of fantasy to reality means that there is another player on the board with real feelings and real reactions. So the innocence goes out of the original relationship as the reality that we are all separate humans creeps in. I don't know any other way to describe it. You feel different and everyone starts worrying about who feel what about whom.
Is there any way we can reach a conclusion about this. I know that it is a topic of endless debate.
I see what u mean. And this is something I have thought about. I know that I don't have any long term type feelings for the woman she wants to include. I also know that her friend has not shown any sign of long term relationship type feelings for my girlfriend. The only question yet to be answered is does my girlfriend have any long term type feelings for her friend. Talking to you has forced me to see that I will have to take a gamble. Given that while talking to you I realize that if I don't do it, our relationship WILL end, while if I do it may end. And looking at it this way, it's like I tell her, "Even a slight chance is better than no chance". Thanks
Have a good night.