Thank you. I think we are at that point of understanding. I have primarily supported my wife and our needs through this process.
However, as we have tried to re-establish a new relationship, my parents have agreed and have taken steps to try and back off. They have done a lot for us given some recent career challenges I faces recently but have now re-established. However, my wife continues to believe that any efforts by my parents in giving of time, gifts, sponsorship of opportunities for our kids are steps to control rather than help. She believes if she lets them back into her life as previous they will revert trying to influence our lives. Thus, she continues to rebuff my parents as they have attempted to modify their approach, making them very upset. She still avoids answer their phone calls or emails. I am always the one who has to respond. My mother says she is "heartbroken" and my dad is just "angry". My sister is both.
To describe the overall relationship over time, we have broken up and tried to come back together, but my wife hasn't fully made the transition, so we are moving back into a period of estrangement which may be permanent I fear. My parents have now told me they do not wish to have any communication with my wife. My sister states she doesn't trust her....stating she is nice is person, but doesn't carry through with the relationship from a distance and has learned that my wife has spoken negatively with others about my family. I know I'm am painting my wife as a villain....but I am just trying to get our families to a point of reasonable coexistence so my kids can participate and experience the value of a broader family.
The unfortunate thing now is that although I understand and support my wife feelings as you described perfectly in your earlier response, is that my attempts to repair are viewed by her as siding with my family. There are some instances where I believe she is overreacting, twisting the intent or misinterpreting connection attempts in an effort not to give in, which makes it extremely difficult for any compromising to occur. I don't know how I can support her/us and our needs and still create a level of coexistence without all of the negativity and mistrust.
I agree and have tried to move in that direction.
My parents and now sister communicate with me in isolation. When I suggest that, in my mind, the only way to rebuild is to reconnect directly with my wife and include her....they resist or outright refuse, claiming they have tried in the past only to be rebuffed or get no response from my wife. They believe it is on me to decide on maintaining a relationship with them, making statements like "we are your blood relatives and it is up to you to decide how we move forward".
What tactics do you suggest or have known to work for others in similar situations in order to allow these types of relationships to progress to a comfortable, respectful coexistence?