Jane your request sounds so tragic and emotionally laden. You have obviously so deeply fallen in love that you do not see who he is now. You must accept the fact that it was a good match but there has been too much that has gone on since then to reestablish the trust you need to have an enduring relationship. You need to get some closure on all these loose emotional ends and dead relationships. Otherwise you will go from one relationship to another and not know where you stand. You need time to heal and get back on your feet.