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MrsRuss0114
MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 214
Experience:  B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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Hi ...married and love my husband for 16 years. We have a blended

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Hi ...married and love my husband for 16 years. We have a blended family, all of whom are adults. a month ago one of my husbands twins 28 years old had a tragic accident, which left him on life support; with little brain activity and spinal damage which will leave him paraplegic; our hearts are broken as u may try to imagine. During our vigil around his bed side I was slow in understanding that i was not wanted or that my thoughts or questions were not valued, I suppose because my husband needed me. i am trying to be sensitive to ex-wife, husband,and his sons, I guess i should have just stayed away but its such a loss for me too, i had difficulty pulling my self away from him so that the family can go through the process of 2nd opinions, and what other options there are if any. My daughter in-law bless her heart is able to love us all, and we all want to be there for her.

Now that we are close to letting a beautiful life go,unless God does a miracle I no longer go to hospital. however and unfortunately i got into a tiff with his oldest son, via Txing because he wouldn"t talk to me; by asking him to please confront me if he had any issues about my behavior or statements, because complaining to his dad was only adding injury upon injury. I realize we are all hurting especially them. They will put up with each other but not me..... We are being amicable, but i sense she is feeding the boys crap about me, and what hurts is that they fall for the set up after knowing me... any way enough about me...my question is .... how do i navigate the next few weeks??? I understand the pain, i understand that Im not part of their grieving.... I want to be helpful and not part of the problem for the boys and my husband who they consider only their "father"

Its hard to post this ...but the funeral.....? i just need to stay away from any planning or suggestions, right..? only if asked ..? What is the right thing to say to the boys, their mom, in this horrible situation?.....That i don"t know what their feeling? Even though I feel i somewhat do, I lost a brother due to a head injury and then years later committed
suicide. And as a stepmom my heart is smashed, i can't imagine hers.... How do i adequately apologize to them for everything and become part of the process?

thanks tina
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 3 years ago.

Russ0114 :

Hello,

Russ0114 :

This is a very tragic situation to be going through and my heart goes out to you, your husband and your extended/blended family.

Russ0114 :

As difficult as the situation is for you, you realize that your stepsons mother and siblings aren't really in a place to consider your feelings as they're probably not 100% sure what to do with their own. Grief and sadness is a terrible monster. At this point, you should just try to be there for your husband and your daughter-in-law as it does not seem that she's requested that you go away.

Russ0114 :

With your husband, it's different because you're with him and you can be extremely supportive without outside influences. With your daughter in law, when you have a chance and you know she's not with anyone else, simply tell her that you're there for her in anyway she needs.

Russ0114 :

With regard to the funeral, you're right, unless you're asked don't offer any suggestions or volunteer to assist with the planning. You can share any thoughts that you may have with your husband and if he decides to share them then that would be okay.

Russ0114 :

There is never really a right thing to say during this time, offer your condolences. I wouldn't say that you don't know what they're feeling because as you said, you do but that's not really what they want to hear right now. You have nothing to apologize for and your support is paramount. They may not appreciate it now or ever but I'm sure your daughter-in-law and husband will.


 

MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 214
Experience: B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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MrsRuss0114
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B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.