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Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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My husband & I love each other very much but we are getting

Customer Question

My husband & I love each other very much but we are getting worse at communications. He has become very inpatient with everything & everyone & snaps quickly but he doesn't see it. He only sees other people's flaws & its magnified. We are talking about separating for a while to figure things out. I have a tendency to shut down & walk away when he behaves like that & then we get into a bigger argument. please advise.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. i am so very sorry to hear about what is going on. I was going to VERY strongly suggest marital therapy before you make the decision to separate but I see that you have already tried counseling. Was it marital counseling? What happened there? Please elaborate so that I may better understand what is going on and so be in a better position to help.
I'll pause here and await your response so that we may continue to chat.
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
We did pre-maretial counseling but that didn't go so well because the counsel was avoiding the major issues & prolonging the sessions for $$$$$$$. Later, my husband decided that he is stress & went to see a therapist for that (he was having problems with his siblings) but somehow that manifested as being a "wife issue" so the therapist had said bring her the next time. He is complaint was that I expect him to help with meals & laundry. Which he failed to tell her that i work 12 hour days & that I also horrid a house keep so the help I was asking was maybe 1-2 x month. The therapist had said we don't have any real issues & we don't need to go back we just have to learn to communicate. We've been married for a 1 1/2 years, he is 43 & I am 34, we got married later in marriage, we dated 3 years. We are both professionals, I work more hours then he does but we still have dinners together & do fun things every weekend. He notices that he has changed to before he was super patient & very calm & now its 180 degree turn. I am unhappy most of the time & we both really want this work but therapy was more he said & she said & we would fight more after therapy specially when they take sides instead of expressing others feelings.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Also, we have a very strong family bonds on each side & at the time when we did counseling was more about the relatives/family that would offend us & how we would blame each other for not standing up for each other. I think we got so burned out with the family issues & now that its time to deal with our concerns we have no each patience for it. Also, we come from a culture that our therapist didn't understand & we live in a small communit & going to a therapist with in our culture we didn't feel that our confidentiality would be protected the way we would want.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.
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