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MrsRuss0114
MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 214
Experience:  B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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I met this girl on a project I was doing, she lives 7 hours

Customer Question

I met this girl on a project I was doing, she lives 7 hours away. I was instantly in love which never happens to me. I'm constantly dateing but rarely meet somone I'm interested being serious with. We slowly began talking online and made plans to visit when I was down in her area visiting my family. I visited and We had a great time together and talked and texted every day after. A couple weeks later I decided to fly down for the weekend and spend some more time with her. We had a great time again and it was very clear that were very compatable for each other, it was hard to leave. We continued to talk and text constantly and we began talking about the possibility of making a long distance relationship work. After a couple weeks our texting slowed and we were both busy with work. I called and told her that if were gonna think about being serious the only way its gonna work is if were very honest with eachother about how were feeling. I also told her how I felt, how I rarely meet girls that make me feel the way she does and how I understand it may be hard to make it work but I'm willing to give it a try. She responded that she felt the same. A couple days later she called and said she really cared about me but was still recovering from her past relationship and wasn't ready for anything serious. I told her I understood, and thanked her for showing me it is possible to potentially love somone. She asked if I was still planning to visit over the summer, and I responded yes but not as much as I was planning the week previous. She responded you never know. Since I have stopped texting or calling, ocassionally she sends a text or likes my status on facebook. I'm back to serial dateing and feel unfullfilled again, and still think about her a lot. My question is what's the best approach if I want to continue to persue her. I feel like I may have been honest to quick and it scared her.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 3 years ago.

Russ0114 : If you find my answer helpful, please accept and feel free to leave feedback.
Russ0114 : Hello
Customer:

Hi

Russ0114 : I read what you've shared and it sounds like there's still a chance for the two of you to continue to work on building a relationship.
Customer:

ok

Russ0114 : An important factor in any relationship is honesty and communication and you've already started on the right path which is great.
Russ0114 : Now, I think it's really a matter of you continuing to be very honest about your thoughts and feelings.
Customer:

thats what Im unsure of...

Russ0114 : Since she still has left the door open for communication
Customer:

in the past my dissinterest always has worked in my benefit...

Customer:

always want waht u cant have tec...

Customer:

etc*

Russ0114 : I think you would be doing yourself a disservice if you didn't walk through the door and at least show her that you're still interested
Russ0114 : But as you said, a girl has never made you feel that way that she has
Russ0114 : So, as much as that's worked for you, it really hasn't if you feel different this time around.
Customer:

Yeah, but i guess im wondering if the all out honesty is the way to go.. or give her some time and distance to figure things out

Russ0114 : My advice would be to share with her that your feelings have not changed but you're willing to give her some time and distance to figure things out.
Russ0114 : Let her know what it is that you're looking for but respect her wish to take things slowly.
Russ0114 : If she's still asking about you visiting, then I would go out on a limb and say she has similar feelings
Russ0114 : Be available, if you truly want to take the steps necessary to be with her.
Customer:

So start calling and texting again?

Russ0114 : Yes, because she's never really stopped trying to contact you right?
Customer:

well.. its not the same as it was...

Customer:

the ocassional how are you? then doesn't respond for a day..

Customer:

kinda frusterating

Russ0114 : When she does that, do you respond?
Customer:

but whenever i post something on FB she likes it..

Customer:

whatever that meens

Customer:

yeah, always polite and friendly but not to eager..

Russ0114 : I think you should ask her what it all means...
Russ0114 : For instance: reference the fact that both of you acknowledge that you have feelings for one another
Russ0114 : That she still wants you to visit and spend time with her and you want the same
Russ0114 : but then she expresses that she doesn't want to rush things because of her past
Customer:

I feel like its that kinda behavior that pushed her away in the first place onfortunatley

Russ0114 : Honesty? Or being forward?
Customer:

too much too soon

Russ0114 : Ahhhhh
Customer:

Im just trying to get it back to a place where its fun and interesting again

Russ0114 : You may be right, it might've scared her a little
Customer:

without the weirdness

Russ0114 : I think you're going to have to take her lead
Customer:

yeah, and maybe stimulate a little jealousy too.. lol unfortunately

Russ0114 : If she texts you the occasional "how are you doing," respond and at some point you do the same.
Russ0114 : LOL....Ummmmm :)
Customer:

works every time.. ;)

Russ0114 : I think if you just take things as they come in the moment you'll be fine.
Russ0114 : Flirt with her every now and again.
Customer:

thanks for the advice.. appreciate it

Russ0114 : You have to show her that you're still interested but that you're not going to sit on your couch eating bon bon's until she decides that she wants to take things to the next level.
Customer:

Thats what ive been doing.. Glad to hear it sounds like a good direction

Russ0114 : Yes, it is. Just don't make yourself completely unavailable but you don't have to be staring at your phone ither.
Customer:

cool, thanks again

MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 214
Experience: B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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