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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6887
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi I had a bad row with my boyfriend. I hadnt seen him for

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Hi I had a bad row with my boyfriend. I hadn't seen him for 10 days I was ill but he was also behaving strange. I decided to play him at his own game and ignored him for a couple of days and he came running after me again.
During this time I also started to feel suspicious. There had been a photo of him holding hands and linking arms on a ski break with another woman I hadn't met at the beginning of our relationship. I let it go because things were good and we spent a lot of time together and I visited his home.
This photo and this woman then started to play on my mind again. I was leaving at the weekend and I was annoyed at his distant behaviour and I brought up this woman. He said she was just a friend but he refused to discuss it with me and refused to meet me before I left. He told me to calm down but the more he refused to meet and talk the more angry I got. I emailed this woman all she said was you don't have to worry I'm not a freind any more. She then asked me if I had a relationship with him and when. She deleted him from her facebook.
My boyfriend refused to talk to me for a couple of weeks and he started flirting with me. As soon as I mentioned this woman he stopped talking again. This woman is now friends with him again on facebook. I've apologized to my boyfriend and said I just want an explanation but he refuses to talk. He also never invited me along when he went out with his friends so this made me suspicious. Maybe this woman had feelings for him and she used our row to get in with him. I'm sure he must have been leading her on. I feel really bad now and my boyfriend is making me feel like everything is my fault. Thanks for your advice.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
You have to accept some responsibility if they are only friends. You pursued suspicions but not valid information. I am wondering if your persistence made him angry. Now if they really are more than friends then you have a right to be suspicious. Either way you have his word to go on. Is it believable? You have to decide what you believe. That impacts the relationship. Do you want him back based on that. This isn't all your fault. He should have engaged in a logical conversation that would have made you feel more secure. He should have made it clear that they weren't together (if that is the truth). He needs to face this issue head on instead of disappearing. You are not responsible for any of that. You wanted answers. It's not all your fault.


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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for your reply and very spot on! I have since apologised but his behaviour refusing to meet and talk made me so angry and made the situation worse. I said many things in anger I regretted. I also pursued him to make him talk tried to force him but this made things worse.

He told me that they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about (by text message) but he refused to meet me because he said I had to calm down.

 

I'm still worried about what that woman said why was she so interested in if I had a relationship with him but she never said she was his girlfriend. Also there were many other photos of them out together and because he never invited me out this made me insecure.

He still refuses to talk I haven't heard from him in a couple of weeks and contacted him a week ago. Should I continue to ignore him or try again to talk with him.

Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
He seems to like to avoid emotion. That makes settling anything impossible. I understand why you are insecure. He is the kind of guy who says you are acting irrational but then has behavior that makes you crazy (I bet I am right). I wish you would just let him go. He is going to continue to make you crazy because you will always doubt him. You would do better with someone you could trust
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Yes he is flirtatious and a bit sleazy that drives me mad and is very disrespectful. I guess he is very insecure underneath. His mother died when he was 13 he seems very together and is very successful in business but underneath.... He likes the attention but I'm not sure how far he would go. He is 38 years old and as far as I know he has never had a relationship over a year long. Perhaps the death of his Mother has a lot to do with his avoidance of emotion.

Anyway I'm not going to contact him again thanks so much.

Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Hope this all works out. It sounds like now you are thinking on your feet. Hold him accountable and do what makes you happy
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6887
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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psychlady
psychlady
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I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues