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Ask Dr Rossi Your Own Question

Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Should I be worried that my husband had an 8 month affair and

Customer Question

Should I be worried that my husband had an 8 month affair and told the other woman that
he loved her? He told me that he texted these things to her. He said he never stopped
loving me. I don't know what it means when a married man tell another woman that he loves
her. We are still together trying to work this out. It's been a year since I found out about
the affair. I found out by looking at the phone bill and that's when I saw all the texts that
they had being doing back and forth. He says that he is glad I found him out because he
really loves me and don't want me to leave. I am really hurt by all of this still. I am
finding it hard to move forward sometimes when I think about it. Should I leave or continue
to work on our marriage? There's no trust either.

Dorothy in Dallas
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.

Hi Dorothy,

 

Yes, absolutely be concerned and cautious. Is he telling you that he loved both of you at the same time? Well, unless you're Mormons or other polygamists and he can have more than one wife, what is he talking about? It sounds like he's trying to back peddle. The issue is not how he communicated this to her but the fact that he did (While he was married to you) So, in a way it seems he was trying to pull the wool over they eyes of both of you.

 

What if you did not find out? Then what? He would have continued with his dishonest behavior. Whether you leave or stay will depend on these factors -1/ what is he willing to do himself to work on the marriage, 2/ do you believe that he is truly sorry and willing to correct his behavior and to take responsibility for hurting you, or 3/is only telling you stuff to calm you, and 4/are you 100% sure that their contact had halted and that he won't start this scenario with someone else few months down the road. Once you figure these questions you'd know what your next step is going to be.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

He says he has no contact with her since I found out. That was my biggest concern wondering if he had really stopped seeing her. I had his cell phone number changed the first day I found it out so they having been able to contact one another thru his phone but I wonder about her friends or other ways he could have contacted her. It hurt me so bad, he said he'll never do it again. My husband is 72 and the other woman is

43. We have being married for 39 years. I thinking at this point of our marriage that we

shouldn't be going through something like this.

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.

But why stop only when you found out. Why not stop because he knew it was wrong? Is that his only deterrent to halt his behavior- you finding out?

If that is the case, then he is not taking a whole lot of responsibility for what he did is he?

At no point in a committed marriage should you be going through that period.

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