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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year and a half.

Customer Question

I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year and a half. I am dating for the purpose of trying to find a woman to marry, not just dating to date. For the record I also believe myself to be a person who is not very in touch with their own emotions, or understands fully how you are supposed to feel about different things. The girl i am dating is a very good person, she is never mean to anyone, constantly trying to help others. She is a great girlfriend I can not even imagine suspecting her of cheating on me ever, and she does not worry about me cheating on her. She is not clingy or anything, she is just a all around wonderful person, and girlfriend. The logic choice would be marry her, because she is a supportive girlfriend, and would make a great wife. For the record she is not pressuring me into anything. The problem I am having is that I don't have this spark, or this feeling when i talk to her on the phone, or when I see her. I though I loved her at one point but now I am unsure of that. A side note is that I have had a few dreams where i found myself meeting another woman while still in a relationship with my current girlfriend. The other girl is not somebody that i know at all, but in my dreams she seems like my soul mate. I would really like to figure out if it is just me not being a very emotional person, or if I am not having these feelings about this girl who i thought i wanted to marry at one point because that is just natural. I was hoping to get some advice, I do not know if i should break up with her because i don't have these feelings or stay with her because what i am feeling is normal for the possibility of getting married.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
You have been dating your girlfriend for over a year and a 1/2. Relationship go through all kinds of changes and emotions. You might be having mixed emotions because you want to settle down one day with the right person. You need to look at if you could spend the rest of your life with her. Do you see both of you sharing a life and building a solid relationship together? Can you picture your life without her? I want you to imagine the first time you both met each other, did you have these strong love feelings for her? These questions will help you decide how you feel about her. It could be just mixed emotions that you are experiencing. You might have really strong feelings for her, but you are questioning them. You are looking for someone to share your life with and you are worried this might not who you see your life with, this is why you need to sort out your emotions to see how you really feel. Tomorrow when you wake up picture your life without her. This helps understand your feelings, if you can't see your life without her in it, then you need to look at building a relationship towards you and her being together.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
So, if i can picture my life without her fine, then you would say I probably should not be with her for the rest of my life?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
If you can't see yourself with her creating a life together, then I would really sort out your feelings in what you want to do. If you feel that moving on and finding someone else is what you need to do. But you really have to sort out how you feel because once you make that decision some times you an never go back. You might start to miss her and realize you love her. You could just be having mixed emotions right now. Your dreams do reveal things in how you feel. You mentioned about dreaming of meeting other women. This dream could be a symbol of a lot of things. It might not be about your relationship with your current girlfriend. It just might mean you need to explore things in your life, make some changes you feel you need to make.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
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