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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi , have been in an on again off again Relationship with a

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Hi , have been in an on again off again Relationship with a man that I need some advice about .We are both divorced with grown up children and live 2 hours apart which is not the ideal situation in the first place. Have been going out since late 2008 when we met on the tennis courts in my home town where he has a holiday house . We did have a great 7 months romance but I was never really sure about our future as he has a history of lots of relationships and 2 broken marriges that ended in divorce after he had affairs ! Being too trusting I thought ,as we women do, that men will change for us , but I never felt the need to get deeper involvment , for example moving to his home town , although he asked me to in the earlier day's.I guess I should not have wasted my time with him but felt a strong attraction and we did have alot of great times together . So he broke off our relationship the first time claiming I needed to get my life together and we were apart for 2 months ,During that time I made no contact with him and actually did nt see him at all and accepted that he was the wrong man for me , but did miss his company . He started to text and email me again and wanted to see me again , which I should have been wary of , sure enough I let him back into my life and things went well for another 7 months ,in that time we had trips away and he became close to my family and friends . But I felt the committment was nt there and suspected that he may have been seeing others when he was back at his place in the city . I confronted him about this and how he felt about me and it was obvious that I could nt keep going in this dead end relationship.I pushed for an acceptable answer and eventually he said he wanted to "be" with other women so I immediatly asked him to take all his things from my house and cut all communication , i felt that at least now I could get on with my life, even though I still felt a pull towards him . I saw him around my town with another women and it looked like he had moved on .Then after 6 months he sent me a text about wanting to again play tennis at my home courts and asked if it would be ok. I felt I could nt say no because it would appear to him that I still had feelings so he played a few times with our local group who he had had a very close relationship with. Then an email came saying that he was no longer with his girlfriend and could we have dinner together.It was a mistake to again have this contact and he made it clear to me that he would like to spend the night and resume where we had left off .I m afraid we did kiss and became romantic which I had not intended.I explained to him that I was nt prepared to go down that road again and that his behaviour was very erratic and I did nt want to be his "girl on a string or play thing but was prepared to be friends and see what developed.I think I was just testing him to see how genuine his feelings were. He seemed to understand and went home saying to me that he would see me the next weekend . He came back to his holiday house but stayed well away from me , no phone calls , texts or emails since and I have made no contact with him .I feel upset that he has used this passive aggressive behaviour and this is my question.Should I send an email or call him to express my feelings about his behaviour as I feel it was so disrespectful of him to not at least explain why he had not made contact . I feel manipulated that I gave him the time of day yet again and he has chosen to be indifferent probably just to show his displeasure that I have taken a stand .Probably I should not respond but how should I handle it if he again makes contact . Is he a man showing signs of sociapathic behaviour ? I need to get a grip on this situation, my family think that he can only be more trouble ,although they all liked him at first but feel something is amiss. He has an A type personality ,  works the room like a Kennedy and can be very charming .He knows that I will stick to my guns this time but how do I get him out of my system and it is so frustrating that I again " let down my guard "  . I have always treated him with respect and not been cruel about his past but now the frustration is building . Please give me some advice as I need some outside input , it would be so appreciated .It has only been a week since I  saw him and I hav ent attempted to email , text all call  in this time and I have heard nothing from him . What can I do or not do to maintain my dignity and yet convey to him that his behaviour is not acceptable , Monique  
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
He is a type anything personality. He is a manipulative, womanizing, rude man who is only happy when he can feed his ego with more than one woman. You say that over and over but then continue to see him and wonder why he hasn't called you. I don't understand. You have figured him out then become upset when he doesn't communicate. He isn't going to unless it meets his needs. He is only interested in women when they have something he wants. Even if he contacts yo it's to play you some more. Let this go. You are going to get more hurt. If he calls, hang up. Who cares why he hasn't communicated. It looks like yo are going to give in. Or else you wouldn't care. Your choice is up to you. But you are going to be another person in line with other women he has used. I am just telling you the truth. If this was helpful press accept
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thankyou for your direct and honest response .I have no problem with accepting the truth and in fact wording my question and getting your response has helped me to really look at this whole ridiculous situation and I feel a real conviction that I have truly been foolish and manipulated for way too long . You were right about me having "worked him out" but that was only part of the problem. I have obviously not wanted him completely out of my life , and I think I have been wanting him to make the contact so I can still see him. I needed verification from a professional about the next step . I do feel that just hanging up on him would be one option( probably the best way with a man like him),but would a carefully worded email listing the reasons I don't want him in my life anymore give me satisfaction and closure and make it perfectly clear to him that I am onto his manipulating, rude behaviour and also force him to look at himself and hopefully learn something .For many reasons I have given him so much rope and have held off really expressing my true feelings about his disrespectful actions.There is no question that he will try to contact me and he could easily appear at my work place where it would be difficult for me to be composed and express to him how I feel .What do you think about me sending the email? Thanks for your help.

 

Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I think that is an excellent option. You can get all your thoughts on paper and word it the way you want. He also get interrupt. I totally understand about work. It would encourage him to do the email thing too. Great idea
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for your help , but before I go any further was wondering about the fact that on the bottom of some of your responses it is written " edited by psychlady " And when I recieved my first answer did I see a "disclaimer " letter that I had to agree to . ? I have gone back through the email but can no longer find it , just interested , you have been helpful for me but would appreciate if you could answer these inquiries thanks
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I don't know about the mechanics of this. I don't get to see the screens. I am psychlady and I don't think there are other issues to worry about. You probably signed a disclaimer that said that this doesn't take the place of therapy
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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