How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
52358615
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I was in a relationship with a man 17 yrs older than me. We

Resolved Question:

I was in a relationship with a man 17 yrs older than me. We both have had older children and are grandparents. Our relationship was the best either of have ever had. Since he is older, he felt guilty due to the fact that I might have to care for him at some point in the future. (He is very healthy for a man mid-60's). We ended it, but are still in contact 16 months later. I am broken hearted and believe he is too. I can't even think about being with someone else, and have been feeling really blue. What should I do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

Sorry I was sleeping. It sounds like there are definitely feelings there on both your parts. The reason for breaking up is silly. That may be why you are stuck in caring for this man. Breakups should be for valid reasons. Because this is silly you have not moved on. The key is to find out if he has or has not as well. I would contact him and let him know your feelings have not changed. Make your argument for being together. Age is not as big of a deal now. Maybe he won't ever get sick. Tell him and see where he is emotionally. Go from there.

 

If he is over it, then you have no choice but to move on. He may be steadfast in this thought; then you have to find a relationship eventually. It doesn't have to be day one. The key lies with him. He may totally have changed his mind and be too embarrassed to call/

 

 

If this was helpful press accept

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have already done the things that you have advised. I suppose that is why I am so frustrated and confused. We talked a couple of weeks ago and during the conversation we discussed seeing each other (he lives 5 hours away) and both said it's something that we want. He was supposed to call me back to discuss it further, but hasn't. I am 99.9% sure that he is not playing games with me, he's just not that type. I just think he has some baggage that keeps him from accepting our happiness together. He is also worried too much about death and dying (his dad died at 59 and his mother had alzheimer's for the last 14 years of her life). I think about him constantly and miss him incredibly. I wish that I could move on, but after 16 months, I don't feel any more over him than I did when we broke it off.
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Then pursue the relationship and be patient. If you both are saying can work out, then you should work this out. He is saying positive things but as you said he has some baggage. That can be worked out. He just may need some encouragement in order to drop the age issue. Reassure him and try to find a plan of action. Maybe he needs to start slower because of his fears. They seem to be grounded in his parents so work on that together
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions

Chat Now With A Counselor
psychlady
psychlady
Counselor
6886 Satisfied Customers
I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues