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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I was in a relationship with a man 17 yrs older than me. We

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I was in a relationship with a man 17 yrs older than me. We both have had older children and are grandparents. Our relationship was the best either of have ever had. Since he is older, he felt guilty due to the fact that I might have to care for him at some point in the future. (He is very healthy for a man mid-60's). We ended it, but are still in contact 16 months later. I am broken hearted and believe he is too. I can't even think about being with someone else, and have been feeling really blue. What should I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Sorry I was sleeping. It sounds like there are definitely feelings there on both your parts. The reason for breaking up is silly. That may be why you are stuck in caring for this man. Breakups should be for valid reasons. Because this is silly you have not moved on. The key is to find out if he has or has not as well. I would contact him and let him know your feelings have not changed. Make your argument for being together. Age is not as big of a deal now. Maybe he won't ever get sick. Tell him and see where he is emotionally. Go from there.


If he is over it, then you have no choice but to move on. He may be steadfast in this thought; then you have to find a relationship eventually. It doesn't have to be day one. The key lies with him. He may totally have changed his mind and be too embarrassed to call/



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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have already done the things that you have advised. I suppose that is why I am so frustrated and confused. We talked a couple of weeks ago and during the conversation we discussed seeing each other (he lives 5 hours away) and both said it's something that we want. He was supposed to call me back to discuss it further, but hasn't. I am 99.9% sure that he is not playing games with me, he's just not that type. I just think he has some baggage that keeps him from accepting our happiness together. He is also worried too much about death and dying (his dad died at 59 and his mother had alzheimer's for the last 14 years of her life). I think about him constantly and miss him incredibly. I wish that I could move on, but after 16 months, I don't feel any more over him than I did when we broke it off.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Then pursue the relationship and be patient. If you both are saying can work out, then you should work this out. He is saying positive things but as you said he has some baggage. That can be worked out. He just may need some encouragement in order to drop the age issue. Reassure him and try to find a plan of action. Maybe he needs to start slower because of his fears. They seem to be grounded in his parents so work on that together
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