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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have gone out on 2 dates with a guy I like. He is a doctor

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I have gone out on 2 dates with a guy I like. He is a doctor finishing up his residency. He has a busy schedule. On our 2nd date, we were supposed to meet at a coffee house. Instead, I met him at his apartment which I never do. I was uncomfortable about it. Anyway, while in his apartment i was sitting waiting for him to freshen up since he had just driven many hours. He was real sweet in making me some tea. Made sure I was comfortable. He finally finished and sat next to me. Meanwhile the whole time I was thinking this will not work. I have been down those road before where I have dated a foreigner who has only been here for a few years. The previous guy i ended up marrying for the wrong reasons. he was only interested in me for help. Now, with this guy, since he is a doctor, he will get his green card and does not need anyones help. I just can't help but feel deja vu. Anyway, we were sitting down on the couch and talking. Somehow we started kssing and it got pretty heated to the point where we had to stop ourselved because I was not going to cross that line yet. He felt the same. We ended up going out for dinner. He tried holding my hand to walk across the street. I was a bit uncomfortable with that and he saw that and pulled away nicely. At the restaurant, I kinda felt like I was his girlfriend. Seemed natural. Then when we finsihed we got into my car and then started another crazy makeout session. We had to restrain ourselves. He then had me follow him to the highway to make sure I knew where i was going. He later texted me xoxo.
I am feeling anxiety and excitement. I am trying to just enjoy what happens. He wants to see me again. I am getting very nervous. Here is someone who i think truly likes me and is finally showing the interest i so deserve. there is no guessing game about his feelings. I am so used to a push and pull system that makes me so miserable. I do not know how to handle this. Why am I so nervous? I do not want to give into my anxeity as i know that maybe this guy could potentially turn into something good.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

You are doing well to try to take this slow and to ask yourself if there is an interest there. Your previous relationship in that there are similarities is causing you to feel anxious. the danger is to not project the situation onto this guy. He likes you. Enjoy it. You don't have to jump into bed today. Remember to tell yourself a positive statement. "He is not ____. He has my best interests at heart". Separate your feelings about that guy from this guy. Focus on one date at a time. Allow yourself to look at how you feel at that time. Try to see his positive qualities for what they are. If you never take a chance you will find yourself stuck. Take a small chance each date and eventually you will find yourself past previous guy

 

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I understand. I really would love to get rid of the memory of the previous guy. Since he was the last one that I was with, it is easy to use him as a reference point. Yes, there are similarities but one glaring thing is that this new guy is showing an interest that I never felt from the previous one. Of course, to make matters worse, I am hormonal. So, I am going to be all out of sorts. I
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I understand. I really would love to get rid of the memory of the previous guy. Since he was the last one that I was with, it is easy to use him as a reference point. Yes, there are similarities but one glaring thing is that this new guy is showing an interest that I never felt from the previous one. Of course, to make matters worse, I am hormonal. So, I am going to be all out of sorts. I am
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I understand. I really would love to get rid of the memory of the previous guy. Since he was the last one that I was with, it is easy to use him as a reference point. Yes, there are similarities but one glaring thing is that this new guy is showing an interest that I never felt from the previous one. Of course, to make matters worse, I am hormonal. So, I am going to be all out of sorts.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Oh and I don't want to feel guilt if I can't make a date. He asked to possibly meet today but I am not feeling my best and I let him know that. I guess I have some fear if I cannot make a date that he will lose interest. I know that is really crazy thinkig but I am so used to dropping everything for a guy who shows interest as if I cannot find someone. And I have a tendency to rush things out of fear. As you can see, the anxiety is the main issue. Constant battle..
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
One more thing, my interest in this guy is not because he really likes me. I have had guys really interested and I have turned them down because I didn't feel anything for them. I usually just disappear.
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
It doesn't matter how the situation started. Enjoy this attention. Try not to disappear but end a relationship tactfully and with kindness
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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