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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Secret relationship

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend left his wife about 4 yrs ago due to unreconsilable differences. He has 2 children with her (one is not his but he has brought him up since being a baby). I started seeing him 18 mths ago but we agreed to keep it between us because his ex is difficult with the access she allows him to see the children. He is frightened that she will refuse access to the step child if she finds out. We have some mutual acquaintances although he has not lived in the area for some time. these acquaintences also know the ex. Some of these "friends" are starting to work things out and I am scared the news will reach the ex. How do I get my friends off the scent and how do I approach my man whom I cannot ask to choose over his children or me.


Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

This is an awful lot of responsibility and time spent keeping secrets. I understand your position but it seems that that is going to take a toll on the relationship. At some point he has to face this head on. You have to some at point say we need to work this out. He can't expect you to indefinitely be a secret. A relationship can't last that way. It isn't your problem in disclosing this. Have him find a way to tell his ex that he wishes to move on and to find a reasonable compromise. I am not in favor of secrecy.



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