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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1813
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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This is a long question. I met a girl 6 years ago. We fell

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This is a long question. I met a girl 6 years ago. We fell for each other hard. She got scared and I left to Hawaii. Two years ago we met up for one night and I had learned she never fully got over me. The problem was I was leaving for a 2 year journey and on top of that was in a relationship. So again, I was on my way. I sent her a letter explaining my feelings for her and laid it all out on the line 6 months ago. 2 months ago after getting out of a relationship she got in contact with me. She invited me over and told me it was fate that I got in contact with her. That we both needed time to mature before we could make an honest effort. We spent the night together and decided we would give things a shot. Three days later everything changed and she decided to work on things with her ex boyfriend. She said she wanted me to fight for her, but she felt too much pressure to start things casually with me. I had to leave for 6 weeks and she said she would use the time to figure things out. I came home two weeks early to see her and she wouldn't even see me. She sent me a text to say she was back with her ex. What do I do? Over the course of 6 years , we've both had relationships, always respected each others space, but never got over each other. The problem is we've never had a base to work from and our feelings put us in a place where starting fresh is too difficult. Plues I don't even know if there's a shot anymore, but I can't wait any longer.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Fair enough. I can understand that. And I agree, I think its the best appraoch. My problem is that I think I may have closed the door on communication. I had come back from my trip and wanted some sort of an answer and she wasn't making any effort to see me. When I got the text I went the knee jerk reaction route and told her that she wasn't who I had thought she was and I didn't want to see her anymore. I was hurt obviously. I usually don't let my emotion get the best of me, but in the situation I find myself invested for the first time and given the duration of the feelings, I guess I reached a breaking point. She's in school right now and has only 4 days a week when I can actually see her (she is away in another country for school). The rest of the time she is working. I don't want to stress her out, but I feel like if I don't do something to at least get closure, or at least talk to her I can't move on. I don't want to get walked over, and I'm willing to be the understanding friend, but I don't know how to win back that chance after telling her I couldn't see her anymore.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
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