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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1758
Experience:  PHD LPC
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There is a girl i lost who I truly love and I want to get her

Customer Question

There is a girl i lost who I truly love and I want to get her back and actually try to talk and work out what went wrong. I truly believe if we talk we can work it out and love one another again...what should I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
If she is receptive then you can try to work this out through compromise. It takes two! She must want a relationship with you and you need to find that out. Is there really something to work out or is it over. This can only happen if you are totally committed. if she is not responding you may need to give her some time. If it turns out she does not answer then the answer is negative of course. You have then to let go. See what happens with emails and texts. That really says it all
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I understand that if she is not responding it usually means a negative answer but she is also a busy person working two jobs. I know I could continue to try text and emails but I feel they are VERY impersonal and part of the problem. Part of me wants to stop by her work on my way home from an event just to say hi and see her, not start any deep conversation. I have sent her roses and she has said she liked them and they were really nice, but I did not have to. She even asked me more about what the quote meant on the gift but nothing further from that. I might be deluding myself but I do believe she is thinking but she is scared.

I know I made a mistake but I want to work and truly work on the relationship. I believe if we both work on it this time that it will work and things will be perfect. I just do not know how to go about showing her that.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
It's not over yet. She may be very busy. You can't show her. You can only be patient. If you want to stop by her work think carefully and if you must go once. Beyond all your efforts there is allowing her to make her own decision. You don't know that it be negative
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Do not feel they answered my question that I was looking for
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
Hi, Psychlady has given you some direct correct replies that were right on target. However, I can hear your desperation in the posts and you are frantic in trying to get her back. One caution first: If you stop by her work you may be making things worse as she may view it as you being intrusive and stepping over a boundary. That may stop her from even thinking about even talking to you again. Who was responsible for the break up? It's really difficult to have to sit and wait and yes, emails and texts are impersonal but she is the one in control right now as sad as that may feel to you. You try too hard, you lose her for good. You show her you are there when she is ready to talk you don't scare her off. Does this make sense to you?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
That is the issue. I know I seem frantic and that I probably do sound desperate. I have been very patient and last communication from her was last week asking more information about the card that I sent her with the Flowers. I believe she is afraid to talk or is afraid that we may go through the same road again. My mind tells me to let her be and contact her in a week. Yet my heart is telling me that I should just stop by, show her I am not afraid of my feelings anymore, that she means so much to me and I am looking to change my whole life outlook (not be afraid anymore) and that I would want her to see that what I say is not just words, I am acting on these feelings as well.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
Hi, I can tell you are dealing with a head/heart problem...you know what to do yet your heart is fighting it.
You sent her flowers and a card which she then communicated with you about, that is a good sign. Actions do speak louder than words. What if you let her know that you are willing to go see a counselor to work on the reasons you felt so fearful before, that is an action and shows you are serious looking for self improvement?

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