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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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So I have read most of the venus mars book and I can see how

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So I have read most of the venus mars book and I can see how I can do things better. what do I do about my partner reading the book. as always I find that I will try anything and he says he will but never does, obviously I realise that is not in my best interest to push. the other thing I am really still concerned about is our money situation. He is as of this week really only going to work in my business now when we are short a teacher. Which is great that he still wants to help out but from my perspective the family now has $400 a week that is being paid out to someone else and he is now bringing in $400 less than he was before and not that we were seeing that money exactly but it did mean he had some money to contribute from time to time on going out and buying food. Now I will have to pick up the tab which puts extra financial pressure on me to spend more time at work and make more money, which upsets me because I enjoy my time with my daughter and although he is a good dad he does not take the same interest in her or our house so when I do come home I have a messy house and a child who has been hanging out to see me. How do I get him to pull his wait more, is just by telling him how much I appreciate him, need him etc. he has never had a good work ethic most of his life his work has been contract based so in short bursts that generally take him away from the house... I am exhausted.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

Use the books to tell him you appreciate him. His working style unfortunately may be what is is. You can only convey that his ethnics do not contribute to the home as it should. You could similar treat this situation as one with a child remove. Remove all positive reinforcements that would come about because of his lack of income and from your income. If he is constantly rewarded in any way it reinforces his inability to work consistently. Use positive reinforcement coupled with the removal of rewards. Verbal reassurance is always preferred and can increase the positive behavior. Continue to work on communication in the book especially the rules of fair fighting. I hope it works out. Try giving him 10 pages or something reasonable. He otherwise will be overwhelmed

 

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
You could similar treat this situation as one with a child remove. Remove all positive reinforcements that would come about because of his lack of income and from your income. If he is constantly rewarded in any way it reinforces his inability to work consistently.

Can you elaborate or clarify what you mean here.
Thanks
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Similar to a child you can remove the rewards such as money. Due to his lack of income this can be effective even though he is an adult. If you reward his ability to get money for doing nothing then nothing will change
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