How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr Rossi Your Own Question

Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
19260254
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr Rossi is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello I would like advice please. I have been in a loving

Customer Question

Hello

I would like advice please. I have been in a loving relationship for 3 years. We do not live together and he has always been open that he had a very bad expereince in the past and had commitment issues. He also is divorced with you children who do not live with him. I am close to his children and his parents.

Lately I really feel like I need commitment from him. I feel like we can not move forward unless this happens. I would like for us to live togher and maybe one day get married. he has been open and said he can not give me this. I feel like on one hand I need to end it and move on and the other hand I can not imagine my life without him and it makes me very sad that we will not be togher. YOur thoughts woul be appreciated.

Emma
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.

Hi Emma,

 

 

"he has been open and said he can not give me this."

He does not want you to have unrealistic expectations of the relationship. The issue here is (did the two of you speak about this at the start of your relationship 3 years ago) If you have, then the expectation was put on the table from the start and you've decided to go along with it. Perhaps you though that he'd change his mind. He has his reasons for wanting to keep things the way they are.

 

"on one hand I need to end it and move on and the other hand I can not imagine my life without him..."

Yes you do need to find ways to move on if you expect more of a relationship than what you're getting now. What you do will depend on different things such as your willingness to connect with others, ability to accept your current partner's wishes, whether or not you decide that you want to stay together having the same level of interaction as you did up to this point and your desire to do what is best for you.

 

If you absolutely believe that he will not change his mind during the next 3+ years, then you look at what you've already invested on your end in this relationship, look at your age and figure out what risks you're willing to undertake (either stay with him or move on)

 

Any breakup hurts. Pain is temporary though and you can move beyond that with time.

 

 

The fact that for the last 3 years the two of you lived separately indicates that there was an emotional barrier from the start. Three years is a lot of time.