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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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what does he want from me

Customer Question

I don't know what he wants from me. Sometimes he is affectionate, but I am almost certain I am just a booty call. we've been hanging out since last summer. But just casual, yet we are sexual. however sometimes he sends me mixed messages and treats me like a girlfriend. for example we go on romantic night walks, or walk to the cliffs or the playground, and he's affectionate. But I am almost positive I am just a casual sex partner. I broke it off with him for awhile, and he didnt hook up with anyone/talk to any other girls for that month and a half we were seperated. and he was persistant, so after rejecting him several times we started back up again. I am so confused. What am I?  and i know i should rele be talking to him about this, but we're both a little shy in this area.  I plan to confront him, but I would just like to know what I am up against/ dealing with/ what the odds are
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I agree this needs to be addressed. I also am questioning his motives. You haven't met his family and it's always at night. That sounds like you are not the girlfriend I would not tolerate being anything less than the girlfriend. Who wants to be a booty call. That is not acceptable. Ask for what you want. If it isn't that kind of relationship then leave or make your feelings known. Tell him why you feel like a booty call and see if he is willing to respect your feelings. If he isn't willing to treat the relationship with respect then let it go. Give him consistent boundaries or let him go on his way. He may not be boyfriend material. you deserve better.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

well see the thing is, I've been in a serious realtionship one after the other :( its exhausting, I needed a break. Plus I am still friends with 2 of my ex's, so i feel as if starting another relationship would be just too much. as for him, he he had just broken up with his exgirlfriend over summer, which is when we started hanging out (as friends, no hooking up). We started hooking up in september.


I was fine with casual. it seemed like the right thing to do was to take it easy for awhile. and he was good with casual too. The problem is, he starts to confuse me. I know its a booty call, or Friends with benefits, or whatever you call it, but then he surprises me when he does things that boyfriends do. it surprises me too, that I like it. and especially the fact that he didnt just find another girl when I broke it off with him. I don't understand why he doesnt just find another girl to hook up with? he is very very good looking, and a good guy actually. Not cocky, not the typical player. he could get any girl he wants. so I am just trying to understand what it is that he wants from me? so maybe then I could understand what I may want.


I am not sure what I want, both my ex's were my bestfriends before dating, and we still remain good friends. I still care about both of them, I just don't want to date them because I feel it is for the best (they're both players and natural flirts). and I am thinking the last thing i need is another significant person to care about, because I already feel guilty for not being able to give my ex's another chance (i just can't :/ they're players, we all know they'll do it again)


therefore I don't know what to do with this current guy. He's confusing me. As of right now, I don't think having another relationship is the right thing for me, and he knows that. But these little things that he pulls start to confuse me. what does he want from me?


bottom line: I KNOW I am a booty call/casual sex partner, I WAS okay with it. but the little things he does have begun to change my mind, and I am starting to like him. I am wondering what it is he is trying to do here. because I thought we were just "friends with benefits"


I am sorry, I know I sound so ridiculous right now. But I guess I am just afraid of getting hurt again. I am not willing to take the leap, unless he is. I've been hurt one too many times, and I hurt even more after its over because I get really bad guilt trips for letting them go when they still care for me. I just cant do it because I am against those on again off again relationships. I have some real problems huh? :/


sorry for this long essay. i have no one to go to; my friends always come to me for relationship advice

Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I agree that you shouldn't take the leap without knowing if you even have that kind of relationship. Otherwise you will be hurt. The only way to find out is him. You have no other choice. Begin something like "I need to know where this relationship is going and what I am" See where this goes and then make your decisions based on that

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