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Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi there

Customer Question

Lucas is my name and i am a 31yr old male from Australia. I am in the infant stages of a relationship with a beautiful girl from England, but there are various baggage issues, etc. My question is that we do not live just around the corner from each other & it is difficult when we are not together. She is constantly asking me to express my feelings, but i don't really have anything of substance to say? She says that i should talk to her more about things like my career, concerns for my 2 children from a previous relationship, i guess it doesn't matter she just wants me to express my emotions, but i am just not wired that way. I really like her and don't want this to be such a problem for her.... what should i try?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

If you learn to express yourself with her history you will never have to worry. She needs that and she is asking you to share a part of yourself even if it is just how your day was. There is no rule book for sharing your feelings. You can start doing this at any time by just trying. Sharing your feelings doesn't have to be deep seated emotions. She probably doesn't expect that right now.


When you share you build a connection with that person that you can't build any other way. At first it is kind of awkward and embarrassing. Or you feel uncomfortable, but like anything else with practice it becomes easier. You can slowly dig a little deeper. She needs that male support that says I am willing to convey this to you.


Start slow but start. You have to start with something you think you can communicate and not die from embarrassment. Make an effort. Build on that together.


I have a resource on this but I don't know if you can get it there - Mars and Venus Together forever. It is all about communication and the differences. It is wonderful



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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you.
I have read men are from mars, women are from venus, and i do understand that she is trying to build this connection with me....
But i have tried to chat with her and make the communication work in so far as what i went through in my day, and some things that may have popped up (but then she gets freaked out by them thinking that in some way they have huge implications in her life)... and she is asking me how i "feel" about it? how do i emotionally react or how can i manage to not worry and continue on... she is making me feel like i am incapable of sharing my emotions, or that i am robotic... but the truth is I'm not the kind of guy to cry about life's curveballs and dwell on the past... I just deal with change and problems as they approach (which is rare... because I'm generally happy and smiling)?
I clearly understand that she needs to connect with me through conversation, but at the end of the telephone line i just feel like i have nothing of substance to say...
I've been told by her that it is a problem, and that i don't care... but obviously i do.
I'm just not sure how to meet her needs?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Continue to try to communicate even though you think you have. She is asking for a emotional connection because there is no physical. Ask her what she wants that will comfort her. Ask her specifics. What can I do to make you happy. If she says for instance call every day and ask about her job then do that. Your dedication will help you do anything she wants. Don't panic

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