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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I recently moved in w/ my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. Prior to

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I recently moved in w/ my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. Prior to our relationship, he was married for 10+ years. In the beginning of our relationship I was extremely bothered by seeing any pictures from his past, or mail with his and her name together, etc..... I would be very mean about it and get upset, as if it were something he could prevent. Since moving in w/ him I have tried hard not to be this way. He asked me to let him know if after moving in there was anything that I "came across" that bothered me related to his "past life/wife". Today I was putting a copy of our updated insurance cards in his truck and noticed that his vehicle registration still said his and her name. I know that she is no longer listed on the registration, so I asked him quote: "Do you have another registration without her name on it?" and he was instantly pissed off. He said it was ridiculous, accused me of doing what I had done in the past, said my tone was "shitty" said I was a "rude bitch" for the way that I asked him. I have been in the past, but I was not by any means trying to "get a dig in" this time at all. It really upsets me because he thinks I was trying to start a fight over it, but he instantly got mad over something that I really, truly thought I was approaching the right way (the way he asked me to). Do you have a suggestion on how to maybe approach this next time? He has told me to just "zip it up" and not say anything about anything like this, that comes up in the future, but I dont' think that's fair.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It sounds like there is some tension because this is a hot button issue. You ask and he overreacts. Before you discuss this any further use "I" statements to describe your point. "It really bothers me when you can't talk about something." You may also have to wait until he is not so explosive about something. Otherwise he perceives as your pursuing an argument. Also pick up my favorite resource for communicating and the rules of fair fighting . It is wonderful. Learn through these rules to not name call or blame. Hope you love it.



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