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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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A year ago this girl started working at my work. We became

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A year ago this girl started working at my work. We became pretty good friends fairly quickly. I would be lying if I said I hadn't been attracted to her, but I thought it was just a crush of some sorts. So I never said anything. She had a live-in boyfriend at the time as well, who didn't seem to make her happy. Eventually they broke up, but still I did nothing, but be here friend. Recently, events happened that made me realize, maybe how I felt about her was much more than a crush. After much deliberation, I told her how I felt. We talked, she said she's been attracted to me as well. Unfortunately, apparently her ex had been trying to get back with her, so things were complicated. I was willing to give her, her space, but one night, I ended up getting a little too emotional about things. I felt as if I really ruined by chances with her. Now she just wants to be friends, but I'm not sure if I can just be that now. I've been ignoring her lately at work, and she tells me how she hates how things turned out, and that she misses talking to me. I don't know if I can just be her "friend", and I'm not sure if I'm ready to just give up on her. Any advice.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about what you are feeling. But you said it so well.You told her "that if she really needed me (as a friend) I'd be there for her" You also said,"I don't know if I can just be her "friend" ". That was from the heart and beautifully put. She can't have it both ways. The ball, unfortunately is in her court. She needs to decide. You have already made it so very clear about how you feel. There really is nothing more that you can do. Except .... .... You have said that you can't deal with pretending that you don't feel anything, so at some point you might want to tell her that. Tell her you really care about her, that you know that she misses your friendship but it is too upsetting for you --- as you've already said. If she changes her mind, tell her, that you are still interested but maintaining the friendship you've with her not being interested in a relationship is just too painful for you. So say, if you change your mind, I'm here.

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