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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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One year later my wife and I are still married and doing better

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One year later my wife and I are still married and doing better on our relationship. The previous problem still persists between us. I find it hard to feel the same way about her as I did previously before the disclosure of her pre marriage relationship, and she by her own admission resents me for these feelings. I really would like for things to return to the way they were previously, we both share the opinion we had a great marriage prior to this disclosure. I really want to forgive, forget, trust, and respect her the way I use too, but I find it really hard mentally to do so on a consistent basis. We both want to remain married and commited to each other, but fear this may be slow seperate us. Your previous advice did inspire us! Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
It is time to put the past in the past and move forward because you love each other. You need to both focus only on the relationship and nothing else. You need to forget what happened. You are not with her and trying so hard to work things out. This is a very new marriage and you don't want things like this to get in the way of you regaining trust. You love her then it is time to forgive. Open up your heart and just love each other, you don't want to lose each other. I'm sure you both have talked about this many times. The past is the past, move forward and enjoy each other. Yes, there was a mistake made, but you still love her. Was it wrong, yes. But can you picture your life without your wife in it forever. She is upset that you can't forgive her and move forward in your marriage. This is suppose to be the best time in your marriage, don't let the past divide the relationship. Start over and forget the past. In the beginning when you are getting married there is a lot of emotions that you go through and decisions you make. You spend the rest of your life with this person. It is a big commitment and some times people act in different ways. You now have both made that decision to love each other and spend your lives together. But you have to work this problem out in order to enjoy this marriage. Let it go an start again. Rekindle your love, open your heart. You said everything you had to say, but you now need to both reconnect and start again.
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