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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
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If your partner has a history of flirtatious behaviour thats

Customer Question

If your partner has a history of flirtatious behaviour that's attempting to get attention and build their self esteem, is that a behaviour that can be modified? I believe she's committed to our relationship and truly loves me, however I believe it's a character flaw. She admits to this and wants to make this work. How do you modify her flirtatious behaviour (on TDYs or trips out of town involving drinking and younger men). She states she's been faithful, and admits to the above. Can her behaviour be modified and trust rebuilt.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
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Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for using JustAnswer.

As an expert working with relationships for over 20 years I can tell you that this is not a lost cause.

It is a very good sign that she is able to admit her behavior and have some understanding that it is harmful to your relationship.

It is very possible that she is telling the truth regarding the extent of her involvement with these individuals as some people are very flirtatious with no intent or inclination to take things any further and they don't.

If the real motivation is feeding her self esteem the prognosis is excellent if she can learn more appropriate ways to accomplish that goal.

Can she change on her own? Doubtful! She could progress rapidly if she is determined too, and she is willing to work with a good therapist.

If you would like to answer a few questions, a little more information will help me to assist you better.

What are your ages? How long have you been together? How did you meet? Have you both had successful long term relationships before?

Thank you.
Mark Manley

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
She is 46 years old and I'm 52. We've been together for 15 months. We met on e-Harmony. She was married for 17 years and I was married for 32 years. Both of us had failed marriages...divorced obviously. She admits infidelity in her marriage, as do I. But, I'm totally committed to her...and she says she's committed to me. I do believe she loves me. How do you rebuild trust when something like this happens in a short relationship. She's moved in with me, we share a joint account, she's moved from her house and gave away new furniture, and her pets and belongings were moved into our home. She says she wants to marry me...date is set for 2 Sep 2011. But, I need to see if I can resolve my trust issue with her. I love her, but need to resolve my suspicions and restore trust in the relationship.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
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