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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
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I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years.

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I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years. We have certainly had our ups and downs and are working things out as problems come. We recently have been fighting about jealousy because of a girl who was giving my him a little too much affection, and i confronted him about it. He told me he had no control over her actions, but he did not do anything. he told her that i was uncomfortable with what she was doing, And because we have been together for so long and i feel he has always been honest and loyal, i beleived him. Now, i told my friend about this, and she blew up. (she didnt even let me finish the first sentence) She started to tell me about all these things that he did and rumors about him in hs. and it was highschool, i had rumors about me but they cetainly were not true. For one, i knew some things that went on. One was him hanging out with his ex about a couple months into our relationship, but he was just trying to find closure for why she cheated on him. He cut it off a long time ago. And because i never really knew the details i let it go and we have been fine except for my lame jealousy issues. im sorry if this is a lot, but im getting to the point. My friend has spilled everything that she has ever known and heard. I confronted my boyfriend and he has been honest and half the things are not true at all. and my friend has a knack for lying. she's telling me thatmy boyfriend is a bunch of bs and that he was lying abou being back in the philippines for a month for his family (he was born there for christs sake), i on the other hand trusted him so much i never gave it a second thought. because he communicated with me and everything was fine. Anyways, like i saidm my friend says im to easy to trust my boyfriends word and now my trust issues are amazingly low and im doubting everything we have been through. I dont know if there is an answer for this, but are all relationships differ in their dynamics and ways of being? and she doesnt even know half of the things me and my boyfriend have gone through. im so sad and want to trust my boyfriend. he has been great and patient with me and i am not sure what to do. again i apologize for this long message. i dont know who to turn too. i mean u always hear about the friend being right about a scummy guy, but come on, not all guys are liers and cheater and you can take their word, right? any advice would be great. thanks for taking time to read this. should i listen to her, or my boyfriend? please let me know if my message is unclear.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
Don't listen to your friend because your friend has her own history of being hurt and her own past and is reacting from that, or your friend has never had a boyfriend and wants to live through your relationship. Either way your friend is not a reliable counselor for this situation. If your friend is right on every count (and I don't think she is), you will find out on your own in due time. Your BF made a little mistake, not a big one. Just tell your BF you are sorry for putting him through the n'th degree and ask him to have the respect to tell you if he ever thinks he wants to go out with someone else. Tell him that it would really hurt because you really (like or love) him, but that it would hurt a lot more to loose your trust and respect for him if he cheated. You guys aren't married and either of you has the right to end the relationship or ask that it be put on hold for a while if the need comes up. It is great that you let him know how you felt about him receiving too much attention from the other girl and that you expected him not to reciprocate it . It sounds like you guys have a good thing going. Don't stress it out by creating problems that don't exist. Yes guys cheat, but not all guys.
Good luck.
Let me know if I can be of service.
Sincerely,
Mark
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
Mark Manley and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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