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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Am I being unreasonable I am with a woman that Ive been dating

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Am I being unreasonable? I am with a woman that I've been dating for 6 months. I finally got officially divorced and she had her "finace" leave the house. Now that we have been together for all this time I figured that things were really picking up speed on our relationship. We both love eachother but somthing came up that is bothering me. Since my divorce I found a new place to stay and her ex has moved out. Noe is is saying that he should move back in since the house is also in his name. He wants split share of the home they had together. Selling it is almost impossible becuase of how upside down the mortgage is. They have 3 children together and He suggested moving into the guest bedroom as a "roommate". He has demonstrated that he obviously still has feeling for her and doesn't know anything about me. She is considering the option to let him stay there for 3 days of the week to be able to see the kids and then he can go back to his friends house for the other half of the week. She mentioned to him originally that if he agreed then she would also be gone for those 3 days (most likely my home). Just to keep things "seperate". However, she has since then changed her thought process and is now saying that she should have to leave her own home. That she should be able to also stay under the same roof as her ex while he is there. For the most part she will be gone for most of the days he's there but that she should be able to sleep in her own bed even on nights he's there. That they are both "adults" and he should respect her wished not to be harrassed or bother by him. I feel like its a formula for disaster on our part. I don't like the idea. It almost feels like this is all going backwards. But she says that she doesn't want to feel like she's living with me for half of every week. She says this is all just temporary until he finds his own place and gets his finances together. But I don't know what to do. I've been helping her financially becuase he moved out and he didn't ship in anymore... but now that he's back who knows. Maybe he still won't help but now I'm a little reluctant to help out since he's technically moved back in for half the week on a "temporary" basis. But who's to say how long temporary will be... I'm SOOOOOOO Confused. Please help me. Give me an objective point of view... and opinion. I need info from somebody who doesn't have a "horse in the race..."!!!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I am not confused or emotionally involved and I am telling you that this plan is inappropriate, crazy, and totally ready for a disaster. No one moves in their ex for any reason unless it's an excuse. If he has problems, they are his problems. They aren't together! I would not be with anyone who moves in their ex even if it is innocent. There is no room in a relationship for 3 people. He can see his kids, and everything else without living there. Divorced people do it all the time. When she has a better plan, step up the relationship. Otherwise you are trying to juggle time with his back at the house. Nothing about this works. I don't want to be mean, but she has him again, you don't need to help. I would find someone ready for a real relationship. Sorry



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