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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have been married to a lovely beautiful lady for 37 yrs.

Customer Question

I have been married to a lovely beautiful lady for 37 yrs. ( She really is beautiful ) We have worked overseas most of our life and enjoyed a good standard of living. We are financially secure and I have retired at 60. We have three wonderful children who all live close by. Whilst we have had lots of business pressures we have always enjoyed a good standard of living. I sort out all the problems and have generally put my wife on a pedestal.
However our marriage has for many years been no more than a show. Everyone thinks we are the perfect couple !! The truth is that We have not had sex for at least 8yrs , we never say good morning or good night, I am not allowed to touch my wife at any time ( so we sleep in a huge bed ) when we go out we walk separately, and during the day we hardly speak to one another ( I just don’t know what to say anymore ) I love her and used to tell her often, but now only maybe once a month. It is always met with no response and my wife who is a really nice genuine person who everybody loves has not told me she loves me or made a passionate move for at least 15 years. She spend her whole life worrying about trivia, nothing seems to be perfect. She goes to the hairdresser twice a week and always looks beautiful. I need to be touched, cuddled, and have a few nice words said now and again but we live as lodgers in the same house. I do all the cooking and she cleans the house, we have no hobbies, and the wine flows at 6pm and the total silence thereafter. Life is so unhappy. Now that we are retired the future seems horrific.
What do we do????????
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.

You both need to really have communication in your marriage. You have been married for 37 years, but you are having problems that need to be addressed. Some times in marriage you don't realize the other person has a problem in the marriage until it is spoken. Your wife might not even know you feel this way. You need to talk to her about it. You haven't had sex in eight years and that is something that should of been talked about because some times women lose their sex drive for various reason. I see that you have said it is difficult to have a serious conversation, but you could write a letter telling her how you feel. If certain thinks are tough to talk about, you can easily express them in a letter. You said people see you as the perfect couple, but you are having problems that no one sees. Communication is so important, open communication, expressing how you feel about one another. You both need to bring back the spark that you had for each other. If you have any more questions I will be happy to answer.