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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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my boyfrined and i have been together for 6 years and I have

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my boyfrined and i have been together for 6 years and I have had control over the money. It seems things were fine and then he came to me and said he didn't know if he wanted thing to work because he was tried of the control. I told him I would change that and he said he would give us a chance. He has been under a great deal of stress with a new job and maybe he just needed an outlet for the stress, anyway we went out the other night and had a great time and he still calls me during the day and tells me he loves me. He is away for a week on a business trip and he has called me from there. He was also upset I didn't dress up in the bedroom so I have started and he is asking why the change now? He said he had been waiting 3 years for this and now why... but he never told me there was really an issue. What should I do and is there hope? We split up once before and he became very distant and wouldn't call me or tell me he loved me and he is not acting that way this time.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
He is telling you that he feels he needs more control over his life, you have been together for 6 years now. You can't feel like you lost certain control in your life, it cause people to become very unhappy. But you wouldn't know this because he has never mentioned it until now. Then once you had started dressing up in the bedroom, he has said why now after all this time. He loves you, there is no question about that, he just feels like he needs to be in more control over his life. He wants to know that he can stand on his own two feet. You have control over the money and maybe he might want to suprise you with something and would be able to do it, because he wouldn't know how to tell you where the money was going. You said he was also under a great deal of stress in his job. This would also cause him to feel like he wasn't in control over his life. He feels like his job is controling him and then when he comes home he is looking for that little bit of control in his life. It's not that he is unhappy about your relationship together, he is struggling with his job and is searching for a way to get control back in his life. You said he is on a business trip, this is good for him to get away a little bit, clear his mind. You asked me if there is any hope? Of course there is, you both have a strong relationship and I feel it has nothing to do with the relationship the problems you are having. You both love each other that is very clear. This is just about giving him more control over his life. Once he gets it he will realize he doesn't want it and he will appreciate everything you do.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you. So even though he has said he was tried over fighting about money and stuff you don't think he is packing his things in his head-so to speak? I am just nervous. I agree that with the stress he is under at work and he didn't mention things being a problem before now then it must be the stress that had piled up on him. And I do think that if he didn't love me then he would be acting different and would not have said he was going to give it a chance.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.

He has mentioned he is tired of fighting over money, but it doesn't mean he is packing his things. He is telling you he is tired of it and it needs to change. He wants to have more control over his money or more of a say what happens to it. I would work out a plan to give him more control over the money, maybe do things together, so that he feels that money is not a problem in your relationship. Yes, it does look like work is the problem of him wanting to have more control over his life. He needs to find away to feel like he hasn't lost control where work is very stressful. It's almost like he wants to leave the stress behind him at work and come home to no problems. He wants to feel in control of his life. He does love you I don't think that is the problem at all. He is giving the money problems a chance to get worked out. It's not the relationship. He wants you both to have an equal say in the money. Work together in that issue and you both will solve the problem to what is causing a problem in the relationship. Money is a very common issue to argue about in a relationship and lack of communication. You both are talking things out trying to find the solutions, so you are both taking the correct steps to creating a stronger relationship.

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