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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My husband is always pouting and unhappy and doesnt help me

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My husband is always pouting and unhappy and doesn't help me with any of the household responsibilities. He says he's too tired because of work. I don't think this is an excuse to neglect household duties, kids, cleaning laundry, paying bills. I have to do everything in addition to taking our son to school, picking him up taking him to activities, going to work full time and having an art studio on the side. He just drops his clothes on the floor. He says that if we would just have sex on a regular basis, everything would be ok. But I don't want to have sex with someone who isn't nice to me and doesn't try to make any sort of emotional connection or lend a hand with the household. I just can't it grosses me out. He wants us to go to therapy together but the last time we did this I found out a lot of this is his issues of being unhappy in his life and he ended up saying really mean things to me in therapy, venting etc. He is the adult child of a severe alcoholic mom. I would be a willing sexual partner if he was not so mean and would help me in our daily life. Part of me loves him but a marriage is turning out to be so much more than that. If this continues for longer, I am going to find a way out and leave the relationship with my son. I need a reality check to make sure this is not my fault because our lack of intimacy (he blames me). When he gets angry at me he says really mean things too like the last time, "a long time ago women like you would have to get a lobotomy." It was just another brick in our wall for me. Can you please give me a reality check? My mother implies that I should just let him have sex with me. Gross.
Sex is a different experience for men and women. Men want the physical outlet. Women want romance. Part of that romance is to feel appreciated, loved and romanced. Indirectly for instance doing the dishes means you appreciate me and therefore I feel close enough to you to engage in sex. I don't know if that makes sense but it's the truth. Because he is not making you feel special, you have no motivation to make him feel special. Lack of intimacy is a huge issue for couples. And the blame must be shared. Find a professional who can be neutral. If you don't like one leave.
This can also address his childish use of insults to settle an argument. Then reconsider if the relationship is worth saving and what progress can be made. I hope this was helpful. Press accept
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you. This totally makes sense.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Don't you think though that he should still be doing his share of the responsibilities? I think it's inconsiderate to dump all of this on me. I feel resentful about this in our marriage.
Absolutely!! No one should have all the responsibility. He lives and eats there. He helps too.
Resentment is caused by feeling overwhelmed by a person. You are justified. Find a plan that works before that resentment becomes divorce
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks again. I think we need to seek counseling. Take care.

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