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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I was in love im 51, and my ex gf is 44. we dated for 11 months

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I was in love im 51, and my ex gf is 44. we dated for 11 months and i moved for her and her two boys. They were calling me dad. Im a gentleman. I always treated her like a person whom i loved. She always had low self esteem. and what i think was sexual abuse from childhood. She didnt even know about sex and was ashamed about the act. She cheated on her ex husband with a married man she called her soulmate even after we were engaged. She hadan overbearing mother who controlled her life. I spoke up and she instantly got mad at me. The exmarried lover promised her just what i was giving her. We made it through the honeymoon phase just perfect. She always blamed others for her actions. and mother wasalways there to manipulate her. The kids are a mess. One even sleeps naked at 12 with her in bed and she said she would ween him out. I thought that was wrong. mad again. we didnt live together. but on the weeks she didnt have the kids, things were great. only problem was her drinking and the use of xanax and lexapro. she was always depressed. i did the lions share of the work. and she was fired from her job by the ex married lover. I always tried to pump her up. everyday. sex was horrible and she knew nothing. like she wasnt even there. I did talk to her therapist and she said her depression was in fact major. but she hasnt been properly diagnosed by a profesional. She just wore me down. and her mother. she is a broken woman and my friend is a psychiatrist. he thinks she is narcisistic and boarderline, and or bipolar. even i started to crack. I kept saying when r we getting married. june? that was the month. the 2 rings were worth 100000 and a new mercedes because her car was breakingdown. After 7 weeks of living in North carolina, i had enough and asked questions, and she would turn it around on me. finally she ask out, and dumped me for an im sorry. The ex was still calling her. even when we were engaged. that hurt me. so after i gathered my things, she was a mess. she did what her mother told her to do. they talk 8 times a day. the boys miss me and after the break up she had an order of protection put against me because i told her we needed counseling. and she was scared. now this will last for 6 months. i cant call, text, email, nothing. she was gas lighting and splitting and mean as hell and wouldnt fight for us. i moved 400 miles for her. even bought a boat for the family which we enjoyed. but thee intemacy was negative. i felt as if i was defiling her. it was always about her. and dramaevery day. so here i am. its been 10 weeks and im still hurting but getting help. they all say she is or has mental issues. im better off without her. i had true lovein my heart. she did not. i was just an object. so.....should i try and reconcile in 4 months? she broke my heart and the kids are all messed up. she manipulates everything. even the judge and court. so she won. i even was with her through her operation for not getting pregnant. and took her mother for surgery. and at first she was willing to learn about sex. we even skinny dipped. but she was drinking. she has now gained 40 pounds and looks horrible. i work out every day and play tennis. im trying here, i thought she was the one. she devalued me and dumped my butt and never looked back. why do i think of her and miss her company? i was her NSS. and now i thought i was the last to ever have her. her mania was bad. she couldnt sleep and was a ball of nerves. she doesnt think she is sick . it was all my fault. please tell me im a good guy and she is broken. but she stole my heart. but then beat me up mentally and abused me mentally. She isnt capable of love. PLEASE ANSWER MY PLEA
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

I am sorry for the delay. You sound like a great guy. I can't believe that you would reconsider this relationship. You have just listed reason after reason why you left. Nothing has changed! She is still the person that you couldn't get along with. Stop romanticizing. Everything that is wrong then is wrong now. She still is manipulative and dishonest. Think about what went wrong instead of what went right. It's okay to be with someone who has mental issues. It is not okay to enable them. Her addiction alone proves that she needs enabling. She has moved on. You should search your soul for why you would reengage with this person. Do things for someone who appreciates them. You miss her company because you are stuck on romanticizing her. Find someone who truly appreciates you! Let this go. Find a relationship where you can be a positive force in a child's life. Unfortunately her children are now exposed to her moods. Look forward

 

 

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
you really think she has moved on? or is she just looking for greener grass, or another source of supply? or the married ex lover has re=enyered her life? Im sorry i really didnt want to make the move. but she insisted. she wanted control so she didnt have to work that hard. Her next relation will end in the same way. will she ever try to crawl back? i was very strong in telling her about how my life was affected and she got really mad for MY expectations, and wants. Is it narcissism
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I guess i was looking for hopefor trying to help her becausei lovedher. some say she will never change. she wont accept mental help. why did she just dump me with no answer as to why. will i never get closure. Actuall im afraid of her. she can be vindictive and mean. i should RUN!!!!!

Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
You have to find closure on your own. You can and you will. She dumped you because her life makes no sense. Don't try to make sense of it where there is none. I understand that your intentions were very noble, but you can't fix someone who is an adult and doesn't want help. Instead find a relationship that is positive and fulfilling
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I guess i was looking for hopefor trying to help her becausei lovedher. some say she will never change. she wont accept mental help. why did she just dump me with no answer as to why. will i never get closure. Actuall im afraid of her. she can be vindictive and mean. i should RUN!!!!! will she try and contact me in 4 months or will she try to hurt me

Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
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