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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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ok a little complicated, but I met someone overseas. It started

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ok a little complicated, but I met someone overseas. It started off as a work thing. I volunteered at his organisation for four weeks and loved it! feel in love with the culture and the people and feelings developed for him. He was very flirty when I was there, always touching me, sitting close to me, talking with me about everything, taking me out for dinner, meeting with me at my lodge we spent a lot of time together and he initiated most of the contact. Then I had to go home.

I have been home four months and now and we speak two three times a week, skype every weekend and send emails through the week as well as talk on facebook regularly. There has been a lot of pining for each other talk of missing each other and wishing we were together. Things have been very good and the feelings have been growing and growing until now I can no longer ignore or bury them and I feel like I need to get this all out in the open. This is very dangerous for me as every time I have got to this stage with a guy everything has fallen apart and never turned out the way I hope.

I dont know if he feels the same way about me, he has never overtly said anything but as mentioned above, there is lots of flirty behaviour and talk and everything suggests he feels something for me. However tonight I tested the water, I started to ask more personal questions about him. Even though we have discussed personal things before lately I have been throwing out some more provocative statements about how I feel about him. Tonight I said something like "I want to know everything about you I am interested" and his reply was "thats not good!" when I asked why he clammed up and started saying weird things like, "I am not a good person and you don't need to know about me" and then just changed the subject. Then when I asked what he wanted to know about me he said nothing which really hurt.

so now I dont know what to do, I am scared and worried that all of this is not real and all the feelings that I have been trying to deny are all fake and there is nothing between us which would really hurt me what should I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I don't think the feelings are not solid. The feelings are solid. His receptiveness to them is not solid. You really need to find out where you stand before you waste anymore time. he may just have difficulty expressing himself, or he isn't in a place to be in a relationship or he may just be struggling with a long term relationship. You have to find out what he's thinking because it determines the direction of the relationship. Don't hint around. Ask what you want to know so that you know where its headed. Then you can decide if the relationship is worth saving. A long distance relationship is difficult so explore if this is going in the right direction. Learn to ask questions directly. Otherwise you are engaging in a guessing game.



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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
more specific advise, I need to know exactly how to approach the situation, risk of getting hurt is stopping me

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