Hi and thanks for writing JA
are you there?
okay let me know when you are ready to chat and I am happy to help you with this
I am here
ready when you are
well nice to see you
glad you could make it
how are you feeling tonight?
I'm feeling pretty down about this situation and very confused about what to do
I am so sorry
you say that you made the last two contacts and he did not respond?
what did you do?
how did you contact him?\\
can you read my responses?
I met this guy, and things moved fast, we were sending great emails back and forth (he lives about 150 miles away), and then we saw each other, and had sex that first meeting (maybe a mistake), then of course things started to get a little more awkward. Then we saw each other again
and that was OK, but a little awkward. Since then I tried emailing again, and contacting him on facebook chat
so I do not think you can read my responses which might be a technical problem here at JA
okay so are those the two contacts you made?
I can read this last response
and he did not respond?
he did respond, but not very well
the last time I wrote to him...
okay what did he say?
he chatted for a second, then said "I have to go, smell you later" This is coming from a 30 year old guy. I don't think that's something you say to a girl you're attracted to. He used to call me darling and be sweet, now I just see all of these defenses up around him.
yeah you are right
so do you know what happened here?or do I have to tell you?
I know that he's probably scared and thinking that I'm pushing him to be my boyfriend, but I want that old dynamic back!
Nope not that
no I need to hear it because I'm so wrapped up in my own mind about it
He is done with you
sorry to have to type that at you
he's not attracted to me anymore?
he is a loser
I'm going to be in his hometown this upcoming weekend and was wondering if I should let him know I'll be in town (for a conference, not to see him)
OK, I still have an intuitive feeling that he's reading off my signals. I was a little distant with him in person because I felt shy, and I know he picked up on that and retreated too. I did soften up and tell him that I've enjoyed spending time with him and that I just recently got out of a relationship, but realized that's no reason to close myself off. I apologized if I had seemed vague, which he responded well to.
You see some people are jerks. You have just slept with one of them. If he wanted to see you again
People do exactly what they wish to do no matter what signals other send off. People are selfish that way.
If he wished to see you again he would have moved heaven and earth to do that.He doesnt want to see you again
and as much as it hurts
you have to let this go
You are reading into him what you want to be
but its not there\
He is a jerk. He slept with you and now he is done
I hear what you're saying, but at the same time, I really want to talk to him, and I'm not because I don't want to come on too strong
get over him and move on
Oh I know you really want to talk to him
I understand this
but he does not
he wants not a thing to do with this
so no matter what you want he does not care
but no he does not care
I know it is not what you wish to hear
but it is the expert response
Look I do care and I am sorry if you got involved with someone like this
but you have to let go and move on
he missed out on you
after he used the words 'smell ya later' which is how he often talks with people-he has a very goofy personality, I didn't respond. I refuse to validate that, so I think he probably thinks I'm mad (which I am). Then he posted to his facebook that he went about things the wrong way, and is his own worst enemy. I think there are thoughts and regrets in his mind
well I disagree with you but if you must -pursue him further do it
I would not give this guy the time of day
If he wanted you
he would have called you and asked you out again and that is what grown ups do
he does not want you
you want him to want tyou
but he doesnt
so if you must go back in there for another round.
I wish you wouldnt but you have to do what you have to do, no?
is there anything I should do to soften him up and get back to that place of attraction?
no he doesnt want you
not a thing you can do
not becuause of you at all
you are fine
he is a jerk
thats what this is
can you please explain how you're so sure that he doesn't want anything to do with me and is not just scared?
people do exactly what they want to do
all the time
and because I have been doing this work for over thirty years
and I see this everyday
so I know
If he did
he would call you and ask you out
not avoid you
he is avoiding you because he does not wish to deal with you
thats how I know
if he wanted you he would not avoid you
I know its not what you want to hear
but if you think you are the one at fault you are mistaken
he is a shallow human
and you need to make better choices
and definitely do not sleep with men on the first date
allow them to get to know you first
this is the best way to avoid jerks
Let them get to know you and appreciate your qualities
and then get intimate
its not your fault
I know that the sex was a bad idea, he was an old boyfriend from high school, so we at least knew each other
well he has not grown up much has he?
still acting like a high schooler
there ya go
you can do so much better than him
and that is the best thing you can do
go out and find a real guy who likes you and appreciates you and then see?
it's tough because I still think about him so much
you deserve better than this nonsense'
yes I know
but move on girl
stop thinking about the loser and make room for a winner
you can find a guy who will love you and be respectful
dont settle for this stuff
you should be out on a date
not here on JA
dont think you are alone by the way
true- I know this is right, but these questions of whether I should contact him have been on my mind-of course all my girl friends offer advice, and many say to just throw something out there in a casual way to see how he responds, because at least then I'll know
all of us hook up with these types of guys from time to time
I think you have already thrown it out there twice
and he has not responded
so what will it take for you to get it
how many times do you think you have to throw it out there?
he did respond, just in a guarded way, and talking to me like a buddy rather than a girl he has a crush on.
and you did not get that he does not want you for a girlfriend?
each time in the past when I soften up, he responds by softening up, so I think that the feelings are there, he's just not good at communicating them
what part did you not get?
go ahead and contact him and see what happens?
I think you are making a mistake but you do what you want to do okay?
good luck to you