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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My husband and Is second marriage and its really bad now.

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My husband and I's second marriage and it's really bad now. My husband has a tendancy to walk away very easily from things without any fight or need or emotion. He no longer speaks to his mother as she was mad at him because of his first divorce, he just accepted it. He stopped talking to his dad for two years, not because they had falling out, just because neither had made the effort. His children from a previous marriage are difficult to contact due to hectic social lives (teenagers) but he doesn't persue it. On his first divorce, his wife took everything, house, car, savings etc and he just said, OK.
I've been telling him that things are getting bad between us for a long long time and as much as I've tried shouted, cried, explaining that all that kept us together is falling by the wayside and soon it will be too late and he says sorry and he'll try, I've now after a long time given him and ultimatum of a separation and rather than buck up and say why and no I love you lets fight for this etc etc, again he said, he is sad but ok. We have a 10 year old to consider too. The atmosphere at home is very bad.
He says he's crushed and numb.....
It's been our intention for so long to go to marraige guidance but really to get him there was so difficult and I feel that the way things are, I no longer have energy and conversation, the counsellor would need a magic wand.
Ohhh dear.

He is very disconnected from his emotions and from loving relationships. He finds it easy to let go because he has very interpersonal skills and ability to bond. It is unclear why that is but it effects all of his connections with others.. He has loose associations that leads to tenuous relationships. This is going to have to be addressed in a safe setting if he is to ever have a deep connection when loss is evident. She/he will need to get him to feel more deeply and to feel loss. That is a difficult problem but not impossible. The key however is to get him to want to feel those things. He may not. If not then he won't get help. If he won't get help things won't change. Therefore the relationship won't change. Your last option is to see if losing you will give him motivation.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you - you have made me look at things differently. I have given him an ultimatum as I am exhausted through trying. The ball, bat, and baton is in his court. He says he wants to try and he is very sad and numb and crushed though he isn't doing anything to save it. I have said that if he sees it's worth salvaging then he has to show me, come up with a plan and fight too. I can't fight alone - half the party is no good. No more sorry's but action. I can't shout, scream, coax, cry, beg anymore. I have my dignity and health. At least now I will know that if he wants to try he will.


Do what you have to do to salvage your well being. You deserve to be happy
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