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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Ive been seeing girl for two months. She said told me on our

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I've been seeing girl for two months. She said told me on our first date that she is not looking for a relationship right now but also that she is not looking for something casual. Thsi is probably all for me. We see each other every 3 or 4 days and end up making out but thats it. I have spoken to her several times and she always replies that she is confused. I have tried to totaly cut her out of my life several times but she always managers to find a way in. As soon as I get a little close to her she turns totally cold with me. We are both in our late 20's and I have fallen for her. I do not know what to do.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
She said she is not looking for a relationship right now and also isn't looking for anything casual. You have been seeing her for two months. She says she is confused when confronted about the issue. You have tried to cut her out of your life, but she finds her way back in. So she doesn't want anything serious, but she doesn't want to lose you from her life because she cares about you. But she is worried about getting to close to you and having a relationship she is not ready for just yet. She is not ready for the things that come with being in a relationship, so she will not put a label on what you both are to each other. She might have trouble being in a relationship and get very overwhelmed when she is in one. You said as so as you get close she turn cold. This is a defense. She is pulling away protecting herself from being hurt. the reason why she keeps bringing you back into her life is she does not want to lose you. The reason why she will not have a relationship that is serious is because if trust and fear of a broken heart. So when you keep leaving, she has no sense of security that you are going to stay and help her understand that you are always going to be there for her. She needs to be reassured that you care about her and hope that one day you both can be more to each other. I think she gets overwhelming feelings for you and then gets scared and backs right off.
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