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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy , Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I believe one of my close friends are mad at me. She was having

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I believe one of my close friends are mad at me. She was having a wedding party, a dinner at a restaurant and an after party at her home. I couldn't make it, it was my dad's birthday and I didn't want to leave him alone. I had to contact her and I apologized and everything, she says it's fine but has hardly talked to me. What do I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like your friend was hurt by your absence. Did you know ahead of time that you could not be there? If you waited until the last minute to tell your friend you could not make it to her wedding party, she may have felt that you did not want to be there.

 

It is understandable she would be hurt. But as your friend, she should try to understand that you could not make it to her party and that you are sorry. An explanation and an apology should be all that is required.

 

Since it seems she still feels hurt, then I would back off and give her time. The more you apologize the more leverage it gives her to continue to be angry. And if she tends to be an unforgiving type of person, apologizing more than once is going to fuel the fire.

 

Give her a week or two to cool down. She may also be upset because of the stress of the wedding, so it may make her more prone to emotional responses to problems and situations and less able to handle stress. When you feel you want to try again, contact her. Let her know you miss her and would like to see her. When you do see her, say "I hope you know that I mean the apology I gave you." and see what she says. If she is still upset, let her talk it out. But at some point, she is going to need to let this go and either forgive you and return to your friendship, or move on. If she does choose to move on, then you know that the friendship was not a meaningful and deep one, at least on her part.

 

I hope this helped you,
Kate

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I appreciate you replying back to me. I was going to try to fit it in, as the little get together at her house wasn't until later in the day. But I have three young children, and things can get hectic, i also didn't have a sitter. When I did try to talk to her about it, all she said was "it's fine, i don't want to talk about it" and ever since then she's been distant.

Does that mean that it could be the end of our friendship? As for the wedding stress, she was only getting married at city hall, but still had the get together for those who couldn't be there at the ceremony itself.

I miss my friend and wish this would blow over already. That get together was on March 18, 2011. It has been a few weeks and we've hardly spoke.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 5 years ago.

I would still give it time. She may eventually cool down and realize she misses you too. If not, then you know the friendship was not a strong one. Good friendships should be able to survive a few bumps. It is even good for a friendship if there is conflict and it can be worked out. It strengthens the bond. But if your friend is too offended by this situation, then she was not that serious about your friendship in the first place. And she would not make a good friend, especially if you really need her one day.

 

Kate

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