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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1825
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Debra, I texted him, It was great seeing you today, I was

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Debra, I texted him, "It was great seeing you today, I was so excited! U are a strong and beautiful guy on the inside and outside only blue horizons ahead :) I got your back :) NOTHING then 4 hours later I texted, "How was yoru day Panther? and a pic of a cute puppy (he loves puppies)." NOTHING. I haven't texted him today.

The night he came over for dinner was magical. The breakfast was more of the nuts and bolts of us. I feel as though that he brought up a lot of stuff that he tried to test me to see if I would run away. His lack of family support, job situation, not being muscular enough etc...I feel as though the comment, I have something on my mind that its personal and you wound't understand. Then I asked do you trust me? He said of course. And I said I was a good listener and he still wouldn't tell me. So I left it alone. Under the table he was rubbing my leg with his foot all romantic like. Then he was all asking about my family, cousins, wanted all these details. He couldn't believe how supportive my family is. He also admires my success, I work/school full time, have a nice place, self-made. We went back to my house to take a nap. He then told me that he was staying with friends and he doesn't have much space over there but I can come over sometime. Then he said he had a place in Jersey that he pays no rent and he wants me to come out there but he doesn't want the guy "in his business." I said you know you can always come and chill here. He said I am not ready for that. I wasn't implying he move in here. Don't know what to do about that issue...Anyways, we took a nap. We cuddled. When I had to get ready to leave he came to me like a "sad puppy" wanted to be held kissing me kind of quivering. It was strange. So he took me to the subway, and the kiss goodbye, he said text me later, I said no your move text me. He said he would...Still waiting...I don't know what to do next? Has he fallen liking me? Am I doing too much? I don't know what to do....his Cancer help site says that Cancers on the outside are vibrant, passionate, artistic, emotional on the inside of their shell (sometimes at the same time) deeply insecure and scared of rejection. I am not about to text and chase. Has he forgotten about me?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
He is never going to forget about you, you are an awesome person who he has a strong connection with. You said when you were getting ready to leave he looked at you like a sad puppy. This is him like telling you that he is sad that you had to go and he wished he could stay here forever. It's like your his safe place from the world. You his protection from things that are bothering him, almost like his shelter. He does have things on his mind and is worried to tell you, if he looked like he was kinds quivering, that is very strong emotions towards you, that he needs you so much and doesn't know how to handle how much he needs you, because he is worried that if he lets himself go then he risks getting hurt. He does trust you, but he is scared just like a puppy dog. You know how when you love someone or really care about someone and all you want to do is be with them because they make everything feel better in life. That one person who you feel like yourself, your comfortable with, the one person you just want to be with that distracts you from the things going on in life. You are his what I call home. That place you go when you just want to be with the one you care about. You not going to worry about him not texting back because he has a pattern of doing this and I feel it is because he know you will keep texting nice things and he needs that. I would text something that will get his attention. What seems to work is positive messages about how you feel. Things like I miss you. Or little love messages, so he knows you care. I really feel some time's he is insecure about himself, so he needs to be reassured.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
what is balance between sending a positive message like "I miss you" and being "needy." He says he likes independent, strong, emotionally available men. BUT he likes to be in control. Oxymoron? He wants to be the aggressor. I don't want to mess this up. I am more sure than 5 minutes ago that he thinks I will reject him about the hiv status issue. I think that he is self-sabotaging and flaking on me so he doesn't have to have this conversation. To some people that is an easier method vs getting hurt.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
I miss you in a text is saying I have such a wonderful time with you that I find certain things remind me of you through out the day. I begin to miss you in a way that makes me smile. Needy is very different then missing someone. Being needy is saying, I need you, I can't be without you. He likes independent, strong, emotionally available men, but likes to be in control. Some times what we say is not what we need. I think he loves that you are strong because he feels safe with you and you over power him. He likes to be in control, but you don't want to let him be in control because that is changing your independent person that you are. It's 50, 50 on control. It will go back and forth. He wants to be the one that chases you, that's why this relationship will be a push and pull. You will be in control and then you will get overwhelmed by your feelings, then he will be in control, then he will get overwhelmed by his feelings and you will be in control. Sure it is easier to run then to face such a serious issue and telling someone you just met and care about deeply already that you have health issue. He doesn't know how you are going to handle anything he has to tell you and he is scared. I would not push him to open up about things until he is ready. You have to be ready to tell someone things and you have to fully trust someone. He is afraid you will end the relationship he is enjoying.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1825
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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