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Kristin
Kristin, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience:  Psychotherapist and Relationships Expert with 11+ years exp. Dating, Relationships, Marriage.
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Hi,i am going through break up with guy i was dating for several

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Hi,i am going through break up with guy i was dating for several months. I am 29 years old and since 26 i wanted serious relationships but all this time i failed in having one. Before 26 i was quite ambitious....and i still am.But now i am settled and want to built a familly. Before 26 i believed in Love and romance.But then i met a guy, it was only passion and i was very crazy but he loved me. After almost a year being together i realized he is not a guy i want to be a father of my kids. Then right after break up i met another guy(Alex)...but it was to stressfull because i started dating him with all insecurities i had from previous relation ship.So we went back and forth for couple of weeks. And i decided to be bymyself and get to know myself better and start a new relationship with fresh and clear mind. So, i have been single for about one and a half year.Alex was contacting me several times but i was not ready yet.Then last November i contacted him but he had a girlfriend. Then in December i met a guy with whom i fell in LOve we were connected. At least i felt like he is my soulmate...he is younger than me for 3 years. I felt great with him....we were seeing each other not that often....because both wanted to take it slow. I felt he is on Love with me too...but he feels so valnurable about it...we never talked about our relation...i thought it's too realy after 3months. But when i was ready to talked to him he broke up...by saying nothing just not returning my calls and not answering my messages. It's been a while i felt like that but felt great with him. They say: you are in Love when you look in his eyes and see his soul....that's how i feel about him. We had soooo much in common:same interests, same hobbies we could talk forever and we shared passion. Sex was great. I felt in Love with him instantly!
He is very ambitious and has a lot of goals and he told me once he is thinking of living somewhere else for a year...So may be he didn't want to get attached to someone. But then why he asked me for a dates? I know i made some mistakes and i realized. Which are that i didn't show him he is special and acted cold sometimes. But he acted cold sometimes too. We both didn't want another fiasco relationship. So, now that this happened that i thought everything is perfect and it ended I am think if the problem is with me? Or am i choosing same type of guys...that are not ready for relationship?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Hi there,

 

I'm reading your question right now and will respond to you about this situation in just a few moments..... thank you.

 

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

I can understand why you are feeling confused about this.

 

It sounds like he started to ignore you when you approached him about talking of the relationship? Can you tell me what you said to him or what was asked to him or discussed just before he pulled away from you? This will help me to understand the situation fully.

 

Thanks!

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I was not sure about our status.So, when we discussed our age he found out that i am alder.I said i had ex bf's that are younger than me and he said he had very young gf too. Then he said i look young. I told him yeah, i had a 20 year old guy asking me for date.He asked what i told him i said i told him i wasn't ready for relationship(i didn't know the status of our relationship that's why i coudn't say i have a boyfriend....i wasn't ready to call him boyfriend because i thought i would push him away this way). Then he asked when did it happen and i said couple of weeks ago....means just a beginning of our relationship. I am sure there were several mistakes i did mostly because i was saying things i shoudn't have said. Therefore i wanted to talk to him but he just decided and won't give another chance. We had harmony passion and so much in common.

But may be main thing is different purpose...i want to have family now(still i could've waited untill he is ready for family)...Could everything go different if i have acted defferent....I felt he was in Love and may be he felt hurt and didn't want to do it again. But i had my feelings hurt too...i still wanted to work on this relationship because i haven't felt this nice feeling bout anyone for a long time.I still think he is very nice guy but a bit weak. And thing that he just leaves without explaining or telling anything is very weird.

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Okay thanks for the additional information.

 

It sounds like what happened is that you are older than he is, which surprised him. You are also probably much more mature emotionally and most importantly you two are in different life stages. Even though you said you would wait for him to have a family, it's possible that he would not be ready for such a step for a long, long time.

I don't think that things would have gone differently had you acted otherwise, or not tried to talk to him. Why do I say that...because the way that he has handled this by just ignoring you completely and pulling away without any kind of discussion, etc. does show that he does not have good communication skills. He is immature in this area and so I believe you would have had issues going forward about discussing and understanding, compromise etc.

So don't second guess yourself or feel that you did something wrong here. You didn't do anything wrong.

If he continues to just ignore you, I would stop contacting him altogether and just let him be. Also, in the future it will be helpful when you first meet someone that you are dating to talk about what your ages are, etc. so there are no surprises down the road.

In summary, you did nothing wrong in trying to talk about the relationship and he really should have been more open with you, rather than just ignoring you. Please click ACCEPT so I'm credited for my help today. And feel free to continue the discussion with me, even after clicking ACCEPT. Thank you.

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Did you have any more questions for me about this? If so, please feel free to ask! Otherwise, please do remember to click on ACCEPT, otherwise I'm not credited for my help. Thank you and warm regards,

Kristin

Kristin, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience: Psychotherapist and Relationships Expert with 11+ years exp. Dating, Relationships, Marriage.
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