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Ask Cathy Your Own Question

Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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I am in love with a woman who has expressed an interest in

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I am in love with a woman who has expressed an interest in me and her close friend told me she loved me. The problem is she is my boss and we are trying to maintain a professional relationship at work and it isn't hard to do. However, the other part of the relationship is not growing. She has asked me to move in with her but I am not sure of the relationship that entails. We have never gone beyond a brief hug. I am confused as to what to do next.

Cathy :

Hi thanks for writing JA

Cathy :

are you there customer?

Cathy :

hello?

Customer:

Yes

Cathy :

hi there nice to see you

Cathy :

how are you doing today?

Customer:

Thank you I am good.

Cathy :

great

Cathy :

may I ask how old you are?

Customer:

66

Cathy :

okay and you work and your boss is in love with you?

Cathy :

and you with she?

Customer:

Yes, I volunteer full time and we have a mutual connection.

Cathy :

is that about the gist of this

Customer:

Not exactly

Cathy :

okay so you arenot really an employee of hers you are a volunteer?

Customer:

Yes a volunteer

Cathy :

okay good

Cathy :

now are there other places you can volunteer where you live?
or just there

Cathy :

where she works?

Customer:

Well I love what the ministry is doing and I care about their mission. I love where I am working and I like and feel comfortable where I am.

Cathy :

oh yes I can imagine

Customer:

What does that mean.

Cathy :

but workplace relationships are not a good idea for the most part

Cathy :

if things end badly its a problem

Cathy :

if it goes well it can be a problem so we usually advise against them if possible

Customer:

that is what she felt was a problem and I am wondering if that is why everything is being kept

Customer:

professional. But then I wonder if I am just a convenience.

Cathy :

yes she can be accused of sexual harrassment and lose her job if she is a paid employee

Customer:

Well she has not even suggested anything. It is a mutual attraction.

Cathy :

the other piece I find odd is that she wants you to move in with her and you have not spent any time with her outside of the work place?

Cathy :

okay I see

Cathy :

I am beginning to understand more now

Customer:

Well she is a very caring person and she is worried about me and she has been helpful as far as supporting my efforts. even trying to find a job.

Cathy :

I see

Cathy :

okay

Cathy :

you know it is unclear to me what is going on

Cathy :

does she wish to be your caretaker?

Cathy :

or is this a romance?

Customer:

That is what I am not sure of.

Cathy :

yea it is certainly muddy

Cathy :

can you ask her? are you ever alone with her so that you can ask her?

Cathy :

what she has in mind?

Customer:

Yes, but I am afraid I will overstep the boundries.

Cathy :

oh by asking her?

Cathy :

I dont think so

Cathy :

just by having a conversation with her is fine

Cathy :

just ask her

Cathy :

why do you want me to live with you?

Customer:

Ok so you think I need to clarify what she is thinking?

Cathy :

oh my yest

Cathy :

yes

Cathy :

This is not clear at all

Cathy :

and dont worry about boundaries

Cathy :

you need to be able to communicate

Cathy :

so talking is fine

Customer:

OK, I know it isn't and I feel like it goes back and forth. That is why I am confused.

Cathy :

me too

Cathy :

confused

Customer:

OK

Cathy :

have a nice chat with her and figure out what is going on first

Cathy :

good luck to you on this

Customer:

Thank you

Cathy :

be well and good luck

Cathy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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