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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Ive just split up with my boyfriend after 2 yrs.We moved in

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Ive just split up with my boyfriend after 2 yrs.We moved in together in a new house in october 2010.Due to pressures with his physco wife,the divorce wasnt getting settled,finanical and kids contact problems,his job took a massive pay cut.I started going through menopause and had very bad hormone cycles which on top of all this pressure led to me being a bitch to him.He couldn't say no to his ex and she would be constantly on phone.He felt he had to please her because he was frightened of loosing his kids.Now he has gone I feel I cant go on.I have 3 children and they got used to james in their lives.He says he doesn't want and cant have a relationship due to his ex and how she behaves,it isn't fair on anyone,he needs space to sort his life out.I wanted hope for the future.Am I wrong to live in hope.I made mistakes,got too involved.Ive learnt.He doesn't believe I can change how I react to his ex when she starts.Surely I was only human to react after such abuse from her as she involved her kids against me aswell which in turn caused the kids not to want to stay with us and upset.What do I do.Should I just walk away or am I wrong to think give him space and see.His name is XXXXX XXXXX tenancy agreement and he has agreed to keep his name on as they wont renew the tenancy on just my salary and I would loose my home.His divorce has just got to the finanical and is nasty,james says he is confused and cant just go back to how we were as the past has tainted any future chance.Then he says he is mixed up and confused.Then he says im better off out of it away from his ex and the divorce,its cleaner this way.He still wants to meet up and talk on the phone occasionally.I dont know what to read from all this.Before we lived together we were so happy and then as soon as we moved in his ex started big time and it all went wrong. Help. Thanks Elaine
It sounds like this relationship that has a lot of chaos and confusion. Whenever there is multiple relationships involved there is a lot of chaos. Don't take on the blame for the demise; it was more than your moods. He has his issues too. I think that you should really let this go. He has too much baggage and you don't know he really is in a place to move on. Don't allow yourself to hang on. If he changes fine but you should be looking for someone who can give 100%. I am concerned that he has not made a clean break from wife and this can kill any relationship. I would cut it clean and talk only about the apartment for instance. Until he breaks from her it is just an empty promise. Do not allow yourself to remain connected if it isn't going to work. Move on to finding a healthy relationship by living your life as if you arent waiting for him to make a choice
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
How do I cope with all this pain I feel,ive lost half a stone in weight,havn't had a nights sleep in a month as im awake every night from 3am.I cant eat and feel constantly sick.I keep looking for signs that it will all be ok but I cant stop myself from wanting him back.I just keep crying all the time.I have a very demanding job and im making mistakes at work.I feel like im going to die
If you take him back you take the problems as well. I wish I could tell you that it will all be better immediately but that would be false hope. The only real true cure in time. But I would discourage what most women do, which is romanticizing. We think and obsess about all the things we loved about this person, but forget about the other things. Refrain from obsessing about the things that were great until you can forget about the things that led to this breakup. Gradually you will begin to get your life back. If you think you can't get there on your own, then seek some brief therapy. Or educate yourself on what was your situation. The more you learn about others who are in your position that will help you to see things more realistically
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