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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
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I was with someone for 4 months.. We fell in love within a

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I was with someone for 4 months.. We fell in love within a month and had a very intense relationship. After a few months, we began arguing about ridiculous things and couldn't communicate with each other. I started feeling very insecure about 'us' .. I didn't feel he was commited to the relationship anymore. He initiated a romantic vacation to Jamaica for New Years, which he cancelled a few days beforehand cause he felt we werent getting along. We broke up at the same time. He said he wasn't making me happy anymore and could feel it. It blindsided and devastated me. He attempted to get back with me a few times in January saying how much he missed me, but when I finally gave in and saw him, he pulled away again. I gave him too many chance and he let me down and broke my heart. We went 6 weeks without contact. It was OVER for my eyes. I was so heart broken and frustrated giving him chance over chance and he continued to let me down and never followed through
. I asked for my house keys and garage clicker via email. . He said he'd mail them. A month went by and never got it. I sent him another email asking for my key/clicker a last week. He responded saying he didn't mail it because he wanted to see me and hand it in person. I started dating someone a few weeks ago. The guy is nice and it seemed great, but I knew I was not over my ex cause I'd compare h to the new guy. My ex and I had the most amazing and intense sexual relationship .. It was hardto forget or replace. I saw my ex yesterday to get my clicker. He insisted on meeting at a restaurant. We met, and I was just ready to get my stuff and that's it. I was surprised he told how much he missed me, loved me and want wanted to give it another chance. I'm hestitant, but in love with him. We saw each other again today and were intimate. How do I know he is sincere this time and won't break my heart again? Plus, I need to break it off w/ the other guy I've dated for a fewerdks now. It hasn't felt right for me the last week or so. I am not a cheater, never have been. But, feel bad for being w/ new guy, it just doesnt feel right. How do I break it off with him. I am scared of giving my ex another chance, but I do love him! wHow do I know my ex-boyfriend if he's being sincere?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
What is your age?
How long was your longest happy satisfying relationship ever?
Sounds like you have been intimate with the other guy , Yes/No?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I'm 39 yrs old.. The longest satisfying relationship was 3 yrs.. Yes, I have been intimate w/ the other guy.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
You go so fast with the physical you don't allow time and space for the other parts of the relationship to develop. Consider why you move so fast in that area. Is that what you want? Is that what he wants and you don't feel comfortable slowing things down? I suggest you ask yourself (if you haven't already) Why do I need to move into a new relationship so soon and why does it have to be physical so quickly. I think you may be pleasantly surprised how many things you can yet learn about a satisfying emotionally intimate relationship which is more multi-dimensional.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I dont know why that happens. My ex and I talked and communicated for a month before meeting in person. We developed an intense mental connection over that time frame, without intimacy. When we finally saw each other in person, it was amazing and exciting - the chemistry was there and we just clicked on all levels. We knew we wanted to be together and decided we wanted to be exclusive before we were physically intimate. I am a very sexual person, when I feel the mental & physical chemistry with someone, which doesn't happen often for me, its very hard for me to resist. But, I don't get physical w/ someone unless I am in a relationship. I realize now that the new guy is a rebound.. I thought I was over my ex, but now realize I am not. I had no clue I'd see my ex again and had moved on. I wasn't prepared for these feelings to come back, but they have. I realize life doesn't always make sense.. I don't know if anything will develop with my ex, but I know I need to end it with new guy just for the mere fact I am still in love with my ex and was intimate with him. I feel so awful, this is the first time I've cheated on someone. On top of it all, work has been extremely stressful and I haven't been able to give him the attention he deserves. What's the best way to break it off with new guy, without hurting his feelings? Should I give my ex another chance. It's more than just sex between us, we share a bond I have never felt with someone before.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
Regarding breaking off with the current gut without hurting his feelings: If he cares for you and probably does his feeling are going to be hurt. In addition to his feelings his pride will likely be hurt as well. You can't do anything about that other than to be honest with him. Next time you can watch out for the rebound by going more slowly.
As for giving your ex another chance: The question is, should you and your ex give your relationship another chance. Or in other words, should you and your ex look for some new ways of relating with each other which will improve the old problem areas of the relationship.

Let go of the 'cheating' guilt and use it as lesson to go more slowly in the future.
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
Mark Manley and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Its been a week since my ex and I started seeing each other again. We dated for 4 months, it was intense and amazing first 2 months, then he started having work/financial issues ... His emotions fluctated, he wanted to break up .. I stook by him and we tried to work thru things, but he became irrational, depressed, chronic pot smoker and he argued about the simplest things- always blaming things on me.   We had a romantic trip planned for end of December. We broke up 2 days before the trip. He tried to get back with me several times in January. Each time, I finally gave in and tried - he would get discouraged after a disagreement and would walk away w/out a word. We didn't talk for 6 weeks between end of January and mid February. I emailed him several times for him to mail my house keys and garage remote. He said he'd mail to me, but never did. He want to meet and Hand me the stuff in person. We meet up a little over a week ago, Friday. He was loving and compassionate most of the week.  He and I are both unhappy at work. It has diffrent affects on us, he's become depressed and I become agitated and stressed. I try very hard not bring stress home with me. I was a little on edge two nights last week.. He has tennis practice 3 evenings a week and plays on team on Saturday morning/afternoon. He goes out to eat w/ his buddies after practice 3 nights a week. He typically doesnt get home till after 11pm. We don't see each other during the week and barely talk during the day, besides a few text messages. Its hard to not speak all day and only get 5 mins at 11pm or so when we are both tired.  All I asked of him was to call me a little earlier than 11pm so we can talk to each other. Two nights this week he called me after 11pm and the other around 12:30am. I sent him playful text msgs around 7pm on Thursday, no response 3-4 hours later. I was upset, but shared my feelings. He asked me to communicate instead if holding back - I finally did it and he resented what I said... He was  hurtful to me, said I was insecure and a nag! Never heard that from anyone I dated in the past. OMG - it especially hurt to hear that after communicating with each other. He never stuck by long enough to work thru our issues and see how good things can be between us, as we rebuild trust. We had a disagreement on thursday. We saw each other friday, went to dinner, he slept over, I apologized and thought we moved past it. I sent him a sweet text Saturday morning (9am) wishing him luck @ his tennis match. No response Saturday at all and he sends me a text Sunday around 1pm and said .., ' I'm sad. This is breaking my heart... so much of us is about the physical, why r we not connected in other ways? What do we do??.... I responded back with several text messages throughout day - no response or call. He sent me a text today morning, he said...,' I'm thinking.' Dont know what to say, yet. Seriously, He's the one who reached out to me many times before, and when things get a little hard, he pulls away - its a continuous thing thats just not conducive to a healthy relationship. I continue to get hurt. He's 40 yr old man and Im a 39 year old woman. He's never been married, no kids - has two dogs. I was married for a short time, no kids and two dogs that he loves. thought this was true love - he said it many times. We had a great week besides a few minor disagreements. But, he didn't talk to me all weekend.  I'm heart broken since he initiated getting back together and being truly committed.  The guy has issues. I am at fault for not walking away earlier. He sent me a text this afternoon saying he was thinking and didnt know what to say. I hadn't responded yet.   I need to put my foot down and be strong - what do I do?  
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
Are you afraid of being alone?
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
Mark Manley and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
No, I am not afraid of being alone. Why you ask?

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