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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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hi i have a problem..i always seem to fall for guys who already

Customer Question

hi i have a problem..i always seem to fall for guys who already have a girlfriend, and always manage to hook up with them.Or i fall for guys who for some reason wants to be with me for a short time, then when i feel more interested they run away..

at the same time I have a lot of sweet guys who like me and wants to be with me..but i just dont have that kind of interest in them...and i am sick and tired of it...

i am looking for a way to break this circle
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

Ask yourself why you are only interested in men who are attached. Some psychologists claim that that is a way of avoiding commitment. Let me explain. If you meet a great guy and you fall in love then that is scary. But if you fall for someone committed then you can't have a long term relationship where you may get very hurt. This is just one theory. Some others are equally as scary. Are you punishing yourself. Are you suffering from low self esteem. I am just trying to look at the options.

 

You really do deserve a long term fulfilling relationship. One option is to see a counselor and maybe there is a deeper issue. One possibility is to find the type of guy you want in available places (church, internet, friends). Allow yourself permission to get to know them through casual dating with no pressure. You aren't going to like every guy you go out with so don't criticize yourself for that. To break the cycle you cannot allow yourself to fantasize, romanticize or anything else with any guy who is taken. Romanticizing increases the attraction - meaning focusing only his good qualities

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
well the thing is i think it is because i am scared to be hurt, but everytime i meet an available man that i really like he treats me like craps...so that is why i need some way to step out of that

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